


Rose Hipped, Hibiscus Dipped, Flower Power, Funky, Sour

by Pearlhart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (what an apt tag), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack and Angst, Dancer Eren Yeager, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Janitor Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Eren Yeager, Pining, Slow Burn, Small Towns, Swearing, Teacher Eren Yeager, mountain town, thug!levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-13 08:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlhart/pseuds/Pearlhart
Summary: A chronic damage in Eren's hip sets a brutal stop to his career as a ballet dancer and he finds himself not on the world stage, but in Shiganshina: a small mountain village in the asscrack of nowhere. He has no idea how to teach a class of fourteen year olds and his colleagues are an eccentric lot. Strangest of all is the janitor who seems to really have it out for him.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 90
Kudos: 236





	1. Don't wake the janitor

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from a really weird beer I tasted once, the name of it was really cool though.
> 
> All of this started as a one-shot because I wanted to write something silly with the janitor and thug AU for Levi, but somehow it ended up being long and weird and slightly cracky instead. There will also be a heavy dose of angst (thanks Eren). 
> 
> Inspiration for Mountain Village!Shiganshina is taken from my own experiences of growing up in a tiny hamlet in the mountains of Norway. Population 400. It was what it was.
> 
> Note: Grade 9 is Freshman in High School terms

"Move."

The one syllable word registered only a millisecond before something crashed into Eren's shoes from behind and he toppled over backwards. Falling was, luckily in this instance, something Eren was somewhat of an expert in and he caught himself gracefully. Finding his footing again, Eren stared in disbelief at the back of what he assumed had to be the janitor. Mostly thanks to the overall he was wearing sporting the word “JANITOR” written on it in yellow lettering. The guy continued mopping the floor, wholly unconcerned by the fact that he had just made a person fall in the process. Well, nearly fall.

"Hey, what's your fucking deal?" Eren groused out, placing his hands in the pockets of his tracksuit jacket.

Some kids walking past chatting amiably between themselves stopped at Eren's raised words, glanced over at the janitor then promptly turned around and continued the way that they came. Eren felt anger surge in him when the janitor kept ignoring him, continuing on with his job of washing the floor like nothing had happened. Eren contemplated for a brief second if it was worth escalating this in order to let out some steam. This asshole sure made the perfect target for it.

But Eren let his frustration out in a long exhaled breath instead. There were more pressing matters to attend to, such as finding the teacher's lounge as well as where his desk was. He was completely lost, he had to admit, and this school wasn't even that large.

Looking around himself there was an endless corridor behind him, and an endless corridor in front of him. First period had not started yet and there were only a handful of students in the classroom to his immediate right. They were hanging around a desk chatting and, even though he was supposed to be the P.E teacher for these kids, he had to quietly admit to himself that they scared the ever living shit out of him. Their detached glances, their weird way of speaking, their sense of fashion, or lack there of, all reminded him that to them he was already an old man. He was twenty five, going on ancient.

The only person in proximity he could ask was the janitor.

Eren surveyed the guy sceptically, taking in his blue overalls and jacket, heavy army boots and black hair that was shaved into a military undercut. What a strange janitor, Eren considered, he was certainly nothing like the larger than life woman who had been the janitor at his old middle school. She'd been scary in her own right, for sure, but this guy looked like he just got out of jail. His body was what they would call _petit_ in Eren's circles- his previous circles, Eren amended, but the way that he was carrying himself made it apparent that he was wholly unaware of this. The janitor's steps were wide and decided and the way he brandished the mop could either be for washing the floor or threatening someone on their lives. Eren got a sudden vivid imagery of this guy holding a sharpened duster-handle as a shank.

Well, here went nothing.

"Uhm, excuse me?" Eren tried again, but the janitor kept ignoring him. Maybe he was hard of hearing? Maybe hard of seeing too, Eren thought in an aside, remembering how he had just been barrelled down like a pin at a bowling lane.

Closing the gap between them on his long legs, Eren placed a hand on the janitor's shoulder. Time seemed to still. If this had been a classic Gothic tale there would have been an off screen blood curdling scream right about now and ominous thunder. Slowly, the janitor turned around and looked at Eren's midriff, then his chest, then his chin, and finally up into his eyes. Eren tried really, really hard not to swallow the excess saliva that had suddenly accumulated in his mouth. He had danced with ballerinas larger than this guy, and yet the look in his icy, grey eyes had Eren on edge.

With measured movements the janitor removed the glove on his hand, then he removed the earbud in his ear. Loud music came pouring out of it and Eren finally realised why he hadn't been answering before.

"What?" the janitor questioned in a monotone, his voice surprisingly deep. Eren flicked his gaze to the name-tag fastened to the front of his overalls._ Levi Ackerman, janitor_, it said.

"I need to find the teacher's lounge," Eren informed him, then added as an afterthought, "if you please."

The janitor, Levi Ackerman, merely stared and despite barely reaching Eren to his chin he somehow managed to look down on him. Hierarchy was a familiar concept to Eren as a ballet dancer. There were a shortage of leading roles written for a male dancer and a surprising amount of very talented, very ambitious young men competing for them. It was crucial to establish a set pecking order early on so that it kept the backstabbing and sabotaging to a minimum once rehearsals actually started.

Eren spread his legs wide and crossed his arms behind his back, showing off his wide, muscular shoulders to their advantage. He had worked hard for them, though Eren had to admit that the tracksuit he was wearing might not be the most intimidating. At least he was not the one washing the floors.

"Are you deaf, _Levi_?" he asked, and let his eyes hover over the janitor's name-tag with a raised eyebrow. The implication being here that Levi had a name-tag indicating his position in this school, and Eren did not, giving Eren an upper hand.

Something darkened in the other man's cloud grey eyes. Nothing changed in his actual expression, but Eren got the sense that thunderclouds were gathering. Before Eren had the opportunity to process what was happening he felt his jaw being forcefully slammed upwards and a sharp pain shot through his skull. It took him a few seconds of rubbing his jaw and looking perplexed before he realised that Levi had used the butt end of his mop to smack him under the chin.

"Get off my clean floor," Levi growled and made a swipe at Eren's legs. Better prepared for Levi's attacks, Eren managed to sidestep it just in time, though only barely. Grabbing a hold of the mop, Eren tried to wrench it out of the smaller man's hands, but to his amazement it didn't budge. How could someone so small be so strong? Eren twirled people his size above his head on a daily basis.

Well, used to.

"_Ai ai ai," _someone called and Eren heard the clattering of hurrying feet down the long corridor. A small woman with strawberry blonde hair ran in between them, holding her hands up like a mediator.

"We talked about this, Levi," she said slowly to the janitor who hadn't moved his gaze off of Eren. It couldn't even be considered a glare since his face appeared completely apathetic, his brow not even twitching. Creepy.

"We don't hit the members of the faculty," the small woman continued in what Eren assumed was the tone of voice she used on the children when they got rowdy. "If you're upset you need to use your words."

The way she was talking made Eren realise that this Levi fellow perhaps had some special needs and let go of the mop, feeling embarrassed. Great, so now he was an absolute ass on top of everything else.

"This shithead got up in my business," Levi explained and Eren retracted everything he had just thought. He was _not_ sorry. "His glassy expression made it abundantly clear that he's too stupid to understand words."

The short woman clicked her tongue impatiently and shook her head before turning to Eren and reaching out a hand.

"Hi, I am Petra Ral," she introduced herself, "I assume you're the new P. E. teacher?"

Eren took the proffered hand, startling slightly at the strength in her tiny fingers. "That's right. I'm Eren Jaeger."

"Nice to meet you, Eren," Petra beamed before placing a small, but very determined, hand on his back and began pushing him forward. "I'll take you to the teacher's lounge."

Eren let himself get propelled down the long corridor, but couldn't keep from looking backwards once more at the strange fellow named Levi. He had already put his earbud in and was continuing with his mopping like nothing had happened.

"So, uh, that guy- what's with him?" Eren asked curiously as they turned a corner and, of course, the teacher's lounge was right there. The glass-panes on each side of the red doors revealed several adults sitting on a green couch nursing coffee cups in their hands like they were baby sparrows. Eren could hear muted laughter and suddenly felt like he was twelve years old all over again. Why were teachers always so... teachery?

"Levi you mean?" Petra asked nervously, removing her hand from his back and putting them in the pockets of her bright, yellow cardigan. "He's just... _Levi_. He isn't very sociable so you better just stay away from him."

"Oh, I thought I might have upset him or something," Eren murmured looking behind himself even though the angle of the corner made it impossible to see the janitor.

"What did you do?" Petra asked cautiously, coming to a halt in front of the red doors. If Eren didn't know any better he would have said she looked apprehensive. Her pale brows were lifted up all the way and there was a slight pinch to her mouth.

"Nothing much," Eren hesitated, "I asked him where the teacher's lounge was, and uh, I might have asked whether he was deaf when he didn't answer." The last part he breathed out in a hurried murmur, looking at some really ugly paintings hanging on the wall. He assumed it was some art project made by the students. A plaque under them proudly declared it as “'_Autumn' _by Class 9a”. Shit, no one in 9a seemed to even know what a paintbrush was, much less know how to mix colours properly. It all just looked like brown poo.

When he returned his gaze to Petra she had screwed her eyes shut tightly and were counting her breaths. Her shoulders visibly relaxed, the crease on her brow smoothed out and when she finally opened her eyes again she looked calm. Collected.

"Well, Eren," she smiled up at him, "the positive in this is that Levi often don't bother holding a grudge more than a year at a time. He just stopped pouring bleach into Oluo's backpack every morning, and that lasted for only half a year, so there's that."

Despite himself Eren couldn't help but ask, "what did Oluo do?"

"He asked-," Petra interrupted herself and stood up on tiptoes, craning her neck around Eren to make sure that the coast was clear. Though Levi was nowhere in sight, she still lowered her voice dramatically, "he asked Levi whether he'd gotten enough food as a kid since he was so runty."

"Ah shit," Eren guffawed and smacked a hand over his mouth, surreptitiously looking behind himself as well. It shouldn't be funny, but it was a bit.

"Let's just hope Levi doesn't decide to chase you away like he did the last P. E. teacher," Petra whispered and turned to open the red door. "I mean, Levi _likes_ Oluo, they hang a lot in their spare time. I don't know what he'll do to someone he doesn't even know."

Fuck. Eren had been at this godforsaken school for less than half an hour and he'd already made an enemy. Hopefully Petra was exaggerating for comedic effect. Eren knew this hick town was something out of a horror flick, but hiring a psychopath as a janitor at a middle grade school was just too stereotypical to be true.

* * *

Red and yellow leaves were falling from the giant oak trees lining the edge of the lawn outside the office window. Clouds were being pushed across the sky by the wind at a rapid speed causing the sunshine to flicker restlessly over Eren's desk. He had been sitting there for the past twenty minutes just staring at the world outside. Maybe it was beautiful, he wasn't really in a frame of mind to make a judgement on that.

The vibrant trees made way to evergreen pines, ascendeding up towards the blue mountains in the horizon, already tipped with white snow-hats. It looked like something from a postcard and Eren was gritting his teeth as he stared at it.

This was his first day as a P. E. teacher at Shiganshina Middle School. He didn't have the education to be a teacher and yet there he sat. When principal Erwin Smith had shown him what was to become Eren's desk, his home at work as Erwin called it making the corner's of Eren's mouth drag down in a grimace, he'd been somewhat pleased to see that at least it was by the window. There were three long rows of desks in the office, all of them decorated with pictures, drawings, little poems, flowers, stickers, you name it. Eren's was empty. He had nothing to put on it. Petra, the strawberry blonde woman, had the desk right behind him which was nice, he supposed. She seemed easy to talk to.

The only thing on Eren's desk was a bunch of papers stapled together with the heading “Physical Education Curriculum” outlining whatever it was Eren was supposed to teach these kids. Eren didn't know the first thing about physical education. He hadn't even taken it when he had been in middle school. He had followed a very strict regime his dance instructor didn't want some dithering P. E idiot destroying at the time. Now he _was_ the P. E. idiot.

"Just give them a ball and make sure no one gets a tooth knocked out," Erwin had assured him, patting him heavily on the shoulder. "They'll learn all the things about muscles and digestion and such better in biology anyway."

For sure. Give them a ball. Let them play. Eren could do that.

First period was over and the shrill ring of the bell had Eren jump in his seat. Shuffling through the pile of papers on his desk he found the schedule. His first class was after recess apparently. 9a. There couldn't be enough kids in this school to warrant a class b, Eren mused, and wondered why they bothered tacking on the 'a'. Habit, maybe. Or the desperate wish for this to be anything but a small mountain town that people moved away from rather than to.

Dying small towns.

"Hi again Eren," Petra chatted brightly heading over to her desk, putting some papers down before stuffing a different pile into her knitted bag. "When is your first class?"

"Not until after recess," Eren informed her and swirled his chair around. "What the fuck do I do until then?"

He hadn't meant to swear, it was a bad habit he knew, but Petra didn't even bat an eyelid. For some reason Eren had pegged her as the silent, polite type though she had given him no reason to.

"Well, it takes some time to get into a routine," Petra smiled and settled down in her own chair, picking up a well chewed on pencil and stuffing it in her mouth. "Later you'll have projects to grade, schedules to set up, groups to plan. You'll probably be expected to chaperone on hikes- don't look at me like that."

Petra threw her head back and laughed at his look of utter defeat. Hikes? Really? He was expected to watch these kids out there in the forests and mountains? Eren hadn't been on a hike since he was about ten years old and that had ended when he fell into a brook getting soaked completely through.

"I'm not really an outdoorsy type," Eren admitted, sinking low in his chair and looking out the window at the leaves blowing across the lawn. A lone figure walked past the window and despite the collar of his giant shearling jacket being pulled up, Eren scowled when he recognised the janitor. Freaky, serial killer janitor.

"Are you guys sure he didn't escape from jail or anything?" Eren asked darkly, following the figure with his eyes until he disappeared out of sight.

"Huh? Levi? Oh, he was let out on parole four years years ago and got off on good behaviour soon after," Petra said with a shrug and got up from her chair.

Her small smile turned wicked at Eren's shocked expression. Wait what, was she joking or not? But he didn't have time to ask before she was out the door for her next class.

* * *

It was recess. 45 glorious minutes where teachers didn't have to mingle with the children unless they were on school yard duty. Thankfully this was an age group that mostly minded themselves and didn't need the adults to supervise them. Or rather, whatever they got up to the teachers didn't really want to know about.

Eren sat on the green couch in the teacher's lounge, chewing on a slice of bread with Gouda and bell pepper that Petra had made him. He'd completely forgotten about bringing any type of lunch, and this school was way too small and underfunded to keep a cafeteria. Luckily the fridge in the lounge was pretty well stocked.

The first five minutes of recess had been spent shaking hands and being introduced. Eren knew for a fact that he would never be able to remember all the names or which faces they belonged to, but a few stuck out. Such as Zoe Hange the biology teacher.

“Hange Zoë, but call me Hange. Pronouns are they," Hange declared looming over Eren where he sat on the couch. They tapped their chin ponderously with a disconcerting glint in their brown eyes. "You're a pretty guy though, aren't you, hm?" Hange asked rhetorically and leaned in even closer.

Eren didn't know how to answer that, so he merely stared up at them. Hange leaned down further, their face only a centimetre from Eren's face, their brown eyes nearly crossed behind the bottle-thick glasses as they stared.

"Curious green colour in your eyes," they hummed, "that's a recessive gene, you know."

"Oh," Eren mumbled, "no I didn't know that."

"Your dad or your mum?"

"My dad."

"I_nnn_teresting."

"Stop scaring the new guy, Hange," Erwin drawled from his chair, crunching down on some crispbread with brown cheese and what looked like raspberry jam.

"But I have never seen this type of green before,'"Hange pouted, "they're so pure! Usually green eyes are more hazel than-."

"Hange!" Erwin merely rumbled their name, but finally they stood up and took a chair right opposite Eren, still staring.

Eren was just sipping some coffee from a blue Ikea mug when the red doors opened and the janitor walked in. A cold gust followed him together with the crisp scent of autumn.

"It's going to be snowing soon," Petra declared with a knowing nod and everyone murmured their assent to her prediction. Eren sighed heavily. It was barely October.

"Hey Levi," Hange called from their chair and the janitor turned around with a cup in one hand and the almost empty pot of coffee in the other. "Have you seen Eren's green eyes? They are pretty amazing, aren't they?"

Levi's flat gaze travelled from Hange to Eren, and then back again.

"I saw them," he admitted evenly. "It is a criminal offence to pluck the eyes out of someone's skull, Hange."

Eren blanched, leaning back into the uncomfortable itchy material of the couch and blinking despite himself. Why was the janitor talking about plucking his eyes out? What the actual fuck?

"I am just _saying_," Hange sighed, as if this was a normal conclusion to reach in any type of civil conversation. "It would be interesting to draw up his genealogy, is all."

"Probably contacts," Levi shrugged before putting the can of coffee back and glaring around the room. Every seat was taken except the one next to Eren on the couch, something which both Eren and Levi seemed to realise at the same time.

"Fuck," Levi declared sourly before settling down, jabbing Eren in the side with his elbow. Levi had still not removed his gigantic jacket which must have been made of at least five cows and three sheep, Eren suspected, forcing Eren into the wooden armrest.

"I don't wear contacts," Eren grumbled, spreading his legs wide. Hah, Levi's tiny legs wouldn't be able to reclaim this turf even if he tried. Taking another sip of his coffee an elbow collided with his side again and the, now lukewarm, liquid spilled down his tracksuit jacket. Fucking Christ.

"Oh, let me get you some paper towels," Petra piped up and ran over to the kitchenette. Eren took them from her gratefully and even more so when he saw the look of admonishment Petra gave Levi.

Despite his best efforts to mop up the coffee it had still stained the entire front of the jacket. He couldn't show up in his first class drenched in coffee, the kids would eat him for lunch. Eren unzipped and wrenched the offending clothing off him, inspecting the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. No visible stains, good, though he still smelt like coffee.

"So uh, what was it you used to do again?" Petra asked, ostensibly engrossed with peeling an orange, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks.

"I was a ballet dancer," Eren replied, looking mournfully into his now nearly empty mug of coffee. He needed more coffee, _so much more coffee_.

"Oh wow, I thought only girls did ballet," Oluo the music teacher commented. Eren merely sighed because this was a conversation he had had so many times in various forms throughout the years. "I guess you got tired of all the frills and tutus, eh?"

"Yeah, something like that," Eren breathed, massaging his temple. Oh boy, this was gonna be one hell of a headache.

"Aren't ballerinas supposed to be like, short and tiny?" a beefy guy Eren vaguely remembered named Mike or Mark questioned, leaning forward in his chair and studying Eren unabashedly. "A bit more like Levi, you know?"

The form next to Eren startled to, like he had completely tuned out of the conversation until he heard his name spoken. Eren tried really hard not to laugh out loud at Mike/Mark's jab. What was it he teached again? Eren thought he might be the survivalist teacher.

"Nah, the _danseurs_ have to be strong enough to toss people the size of Levi into the air," Eren informed them, looking over at what was basically just a huge jacket next to him while still trying really hard not to laugh visibly. Levi slowly turned his head and gave Eren a glare that could freeze moving water.

"That is _so_ cool," Hange exclaimed. "Show us Eren, pick Levi up and show us how it is done!"

Eren could actually see Levi's pupils retract into pinpoints at Hange's suggestion and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

"Nope, no, thank you," Eren replied quickly, finally able to remove his gaze from the man next to him only to find Hange mere centimetres away from him again.

Without preamble they began pinching his biceps and poking his chest, all the while going, "aaah, hard as rocks, this."

"Hange, we talked about personal space," Petra reminded them, reverting to what Eren dubbed her "naughty children” voice.

With a heavy sigh, like they'd been thoroughly put upon, Hange grudgingly let go of Eren. Though they gave his eyes one last hard stare before returning to their seat and Eren tried hard not to blink excessively.

The rest of the break was mostly uneventful. The teachers, his colleagues Eren supposed, discussed work related things that mostly just flew over his head. The only ones not partaking in the conversation were Eren and Levi who sat next to each other pointedly staring in each their direction. Eventually Eren got his phone out and began texting in the group chat with his friends who were still at home in Trost.

The first thing Eren had noticed when moving to Shiganshina with a real sense of dread and horror was that the reception on top of this heap of rock was abysmal and so far the school had been the only place he'd found with wifi.

[Eren]

I hate it here. I want to go home :(

[Mikasa]

we miss you

[Mikasa]

how are your colleagues?

[Eren]

weird as fuck

[Eren]

even the janitor is weird. He clocked me on the chin with his mop

[Eren]

pretty sure it's going to bruise

[Mikasa]

what the actual fuck?

[Armin]

Like on purpose?!?! :o

[Eren]

yeah

[Eren]

I'd gotten lost and asked him for directions and he just fucking went for it

[Eren]

Petra the english teacher said he just got out of jail

[Eren]

idk if she was joking

[Eren]

and the biology teacher wants to use my eyes for research or something

[Eren]

help

[Jean]

that's what inbreeding does to you man

[Jean]

I mean we've all seen hills have eyes

[Eren]

thanks jean, I feel so much better now...

[Mikasa]

you can't stay up there. It was a bad idea to begin with

[Mikasa]

i'll talk to dad. There must be a better way

[Armin]

Agreed. Fresh air and a change of scenery only help if you're the type that like those things.

[Armin]

Tough it out a bit longer and we'll find a way to get you home.

[Eren]

Thanks bud <3

[Jean]

don't let the inbreeders get you

* * *

First class.

Oh boy.

9a turned out to be 50% trying too hard and 50% not trying at all. Eren applied the approach Erwin had given him of just introducing himself and then give them a ball to play with. Who knew that a class of eleven kids were incapable of playing football without being guided every step of the way.

Letting them divide the two teams themselves turned into chaos and they ended up with three teams in the end, one of them being some goth kids on their own who looked terrified of the ball. The remaining eight should have been able to work out the math and divide into four for each team, but instead there were six on one and two on the other.

It turned out that a kid named Reiner, already huge despite only being fifteen years old, was the “good” football player and everyone wanted to be on his team.

"I don't lose on purpose," a freckled, tall girl told Eren when he tried to make her switch teams.

"What was your name again?" Eren asked, frowning down on her. If he had given this type of lip to his dance instructor he would have been bleeding by the end of the night from all the repeated reps he would have to do.

"Ymir," the girl groused out like telling him was way beyond what was expected of her as a student.

"Well, _Ymir_," Eren sighed, "if you like to win then why don't you take your team and make them win?"

"Against Reiner?" Ymir gasped, seemingly perplexed that this was even an option. "I'm good, but not _that_ good."

"Just get on the other team," Eren commanded and pointed at the two defiant kids on the opposite side of the line from Reiner's team. The goths had disappeared, Eren didn't know where.

Ymir dragged her feet all the way there and shoved the other girl so hard she nearly toppled over.

"If you lose this match for me Sasha I swear to god!" she growled at the hapless girl who inched away from her immediately.

"Leave Sasha alone," snapped a skinny guy with an unfortunate buzzcut, his head just too big for his body at that point of his growth.

A tiny, blonde girl with huge angelic eyes skipped over from Reiner's team and joined Ymir and they immediately hooked their arms together. The tall girl towered over her small teammates and Eren appraised Reiner's team with some trepidation. Reiner was a powerhouse and the other kids on his team weren't all that far behind, either. They'd annihilate them.

After a few moments of deciding who played which position, Sasha and the buzzcut guy did paper, rock, scissor on who got to stay in goal (Sasha “won”). The match finally started.

It was a massacre.

"Annie, punching is not part of football!"

"Historia, please don't cry. It's not that much blood."

"Ymir, don't bite!"

"Hey Sasha, can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Bertie, don't hide behind Reiner all the time, you have to actually do something."

"Oh shit, Connie, just hold your head up and I'll get some paper for that nosebleed."

"Marco! Marco! Get over here you can't just walk away."

The bell finally, _finally_, rang signalling the end of the period.

"Everyone who are bleeding or in pain please go to the nurse," Eren called after them as they trudged out.


	2. There is something in the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are trouble with some leaves and someone wins best pussy award.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for the reception ❤️

The clouds that had been scattered earlier in the day had gathered and darkened the sky. Eren sat by his desk watching Levi blow some leaves around with a leaf-blower out on the lawn. To Eren it just looked like he was mucking about, but then again, Eren didn't know the first thing about garden maintenance.

“How was first class?” Petra asked pushing away from her desk and rolling the short distance over to Eren. Her eyes fell on Levi as well and they watched him together.

“Awful,” Eren admitted. There had been a queue outside the nurse's office.

“Which class did you have?”

“9a,” Eren sighed.

Outside, Levi had pulled out a huge canvas sack and started stuffing the leaves into it, seemingly having come to the conclusion that any leaves he blew away would just come back.

“Ah,” Petra nodded knowingly, “9a are... they are special. That's for sure.”

“I made Historia cry,” Eren confessed.

“Oh. Well. She does that a lot.”

“I think Sasha got a concussion.”

“Sasha has had a permanent bump on her head since kindergarten, so I don't think it makes much of a difference.”

“Connie might have broken his nose.”

“He was just telling me the other day that he wanted to get in a fight so that he could get some cool scars, so I think that's alright.”

Eren actually laughed and Petra gave him a warm smile, patting him lightly on the knee.

“Don't worry so much,” she told him, “these kids are tough. Mike once lost 9a in the woods and the search party didn't find them until three days later with a helicopter. By then 9a had made a makeshift hut, killed and skinned a deer and were in full _Lords of the Fly_ mode with infrastructure and a ruling government.”

“Wha-?” Eren asked incredulously, searching her face for any hint of a joke. “Who was the ruler? Reiner?”

“Believe it or not but Historia seized the power,” Petra explained. “There were some internal conflicts, of course, in which Annie ended up in jail. Planned a mutiny, apparently.”

“Wow,” Eren breathed, knowing he wouldn't be able to survive half an hour alone in the woods. Country kids were bred differently than city kids, that was for sure.

“Uh, what's he doing now?” Eren asked as Levi began poking some of the larger piles of leaves with a stick.

“Looking for porcupines, I think,” Petra hummed and chewed a bit on her pencil. “He'll probably burn the piles tonight and don't want a hapless animal getting caught in it.”

_Oh_. That was oddly considerate of a psychopathic ex-convict, Eren mused in surprise. But then Levi walked over with a red canister and began pouring fuel all over the pile.

“Oh no, oh no, Levi _no_,” Petra yelled, jumping up from her chair and running full speed out of the office.

Eren watched in muted fascination as Levi lighted a match and tossed it on the pile. The flames blazed bright in an instant and the small inferno belched thick, black smoke up towards the heavens. Petra came running out on the lawn and began pulling on Levi's huge jacket, screaming something at him which he seemed to ignore. More people were now congregating out there. Hange was jumping up and down around the fire, extatic at what was happening and performing a ritual dance by the looks of it. Or perhaps it was just a local folk dance, those things were pretty much interchangeable anyhow.

Oluo merely stood there with his mouth hanging open, creepily mesmerized by the flames. Petra started pulling at her hair while Erwin alternated between yelling something at Levi and pacing back and forth. In the end Mike came running out with a fire extinguisher and began putting out the fire.

Eren pulled out his phone. He was a city kid, after all.

[Eren]

remember the crazy janitor I told you guys about?

[Eren]

he just tried to set fire to the school

He sent them a video of the ensuing events.

[Eren]

what even is my life anymore

*

It was still dark out when Eren woke the next morning. He lay for a while in bed just staring at the darkness in front of him. With a shuddering breath he eventually got up, tied his running trainers and headed out the door. There was no point in keeping himself fit anymore, but years of habit kept him running every morning. The ache in his hip reminded him for each step how his life had crashed and burned.

He had just been stepping on to the world stage when it happened. His trainers and coaches, even the press, had hailed him as being at his physical pique, finally reaching his lofty potential, when he had heard the “click” in his hip during a rehearsal. That had been the beginning of the end of everything he had worked so hard to achieve since he was five years old.

Breath hitching in his chest, Eren had to stop running after only ten minutes. This was impossible. The mountain air was too thin and the roads too steep and there wasn't a flat surface anywhere. Dejected, Eren returned to his one room flat. He hated it, and it didn't help that he only had the bare minimum of furniture, cementing the feeling of being in a stranger's home. There was a bed against one wall, a chair, a coffee table, a television and a dresser and that was pretty much it. His father had rented it for him when they agreed that Eren was moving to Shiganshina for a while. “They” being his trainer, his father, his doctor and his therapist. Eren had not agreed.

“You can't just sit here and watch television all day,” his father had informed him while turning off the offending devise. “This has been a huge defeat, but it is not the end of your life.”

Eren disagreed. It very much felt like the end of his life. There had never been a plan b. There had never been anything else he wanted to do. He had one goal and he had fought through depression, pain and several physical set backs to reach it. It had been there in the palm of his hand, glinting like gold, and then it was snatched away.

Pulling the zipper of his jacket all the way up to protect him from the crisp October chill, Eren began his ascent up to the school that he hated, his breath turning into smoke and his ears freezing.

The school nested on top of a steep hill and was comprised of three uninspiring buildings painted in red. The kindergarten, the primary school and the middle school. The kids would either have to move or take the bus every morning for two hours to get to the secondary school which was in a different town all together. What a shitty place.

And the morning didn't get any better after that.

It was eerily quiet in the office despite most of the desks being filled by the teachers. They were studiously working on their computers and not looking at him. Petra met him half way down the row and made a little dance when he tried to walk past her, as if she could hide what had happened to his desk with her tiny body. She barely reached him to the chest and he just looked over her head.

Leaves. So many leaves. _All _over his desk and chair. Eren could see a worm crawling around in confusion. Groaning loudly, Eren rubbed furiously at his face. He couldn't lose his temper here in front of all his colleagues and little Petra who was still tripping from one foot to another.

“I need coffee,” Eren hissed from behind his hands.

“There's a pot on in the lounge,” Petra informed him anxiously.

Without another word, Eren turned around and walked out of the office again.

The lounge was deserted except for old Nielson who sat snoring in the recliner by the window. He must have been sleeping for a while because the automatic lights in the ceiling had turned themselves off. Eren was just glad he was snoring or else he might have suspected that the ancient man had died.

Petra was good on her promise, though. The coffee smelt strong and enticing and grabbing himself one of the blue Ikea mugs Eren set to pouring some of that black gold when the red doors to the lounge slammed open. Nielson's snores only changed frequency slightly. Knowing that this was one of _Those Days_ the dramatic entrance to the lounge could only have been made by one person.

Eren wasn't in the least bit surprised when the janitor, Levi, came over to the kitchenette and stood hovering threateningly (how could anyone hover threateningly?) by his elbow. Levi was eyeing the coffee and Eren spent his sweet time pouring himself the cup. When he was done he didn't put the pot back. With sweet relish, Eren upended the contents into the sink watching it all drain away, and _then_ he put it back.

Done with his petty revenge, Eren turned to face Levi only to freeze at the actual frown on the man's face. It had to be the most expressive he had ever seen him. Taking a sip from the steaming coffee, Eren used it to mask the discomfort that the glare managed to instill in him and ended up scalding himself in the process. But pain was like an old friend and he smiled sweetly down at the thousand watt glower.

“Oh, you wanted coffee?” Eren asked politely. “Sorry about that.”

With composure only achieved after years and years of hard training, Eren calmly walked out of the lounge and managed to not look behind himself. As soon as he had rounded the corner however, he quickened his speed considerably and nearly jogged all the way to the office.

Hopefully the janitor wouldn't kill him in front of several witnesses.

Hopefully.

In the office he found Petra busy trying to clean up his desk by shoving the leaves into a bin-bag, but her valiant effort was thwarted by Hange who kept digging everything out again in search for worms and bugs. Eren merely sat down in his chair and drank the rest of his coffee while staring vacantly out the window.

*

Eren scowled at class 9a as they stood huddled in front of him out on the school yard. The wind from yesterday had picked up and it was quite chilly. Eren's jacket wasn't doing much in keeping him warm and he really wished he had a hat. But no matter.

Apparently 9a's math teacher had broken his leg falling down from a pile of firewood he had been stacking, and now Eren was saddled with keeping them entertained for the two hour period. Not really knowing what to do with the boisterous class he had taken them outside, but now that he was looking at them he realised that had been the wrong thing to do.

One of the goth kids raised her hand in the air.

“What is it, uh-”

“The name is Hitch, _Eren_, gawd you remember everyone else's name.”

“That's because they didn't skip class five minutes in yesterday.”

“Yeah well, whatever, I'm just saying I'm on my period so I can't do anything physical today.”

Eren furrowed his brow. He had worked with women dancers almost his entire life and couldn't really remember that menstruation was a debilitating factor for any physical abilities. But then again, he had never been hanging around in the women's locker room. Maybe it was a bigger issue than he was aware of.

“I don't really see how that's relevant to what we're doing today?” he asked her and she rolled her eyes so hard at him he was afraid she'd pass out in her effort.

“I get cramps okay, like really bad. So I'll just stay inside and read.” Without waiting for Eren to either accept or decline, Hitch turned around and headed back towards the school building. The two other goths followed right behind her despite both being male and probably not on their period. Eren opened his mouth to call them back but thought better of it. He just didn't have the energy and they probably existed as a hivemind anyway.

“Alright,” Eren sighed and turned back to the rest of the group. “The rest of you staying?” he asked of the remaining students. They were milling about a bit but didn't look like they were going to bolt. Most of them were tapping away on their phones. They were texting each other and being very obvious about it too. When someone looked over at another with a grin, their phone would buzz. Great. He was being gossiped about over messages right in front of him.

Chagrined, Eren pulled out his own phone and made a new groupchat on the school network chat and began adding all the students in front of him to it. Surprised murmurs erupted as they got added and he could hear a lot of pinging from various phones. Once everyone were in the groupchat he began typing to them.

[Eren]

today we're going to take all the bags of leaves by the far wall and decorate the grounds with them

[Eren]

I want you all to make some really creative imagery that can be seen from the upper classrooms

[Eren]

We'll call the art piece “Autumn 2” by class 9a

[Sasha]

we can make anything?

[Eren]

Anything

[Connie]

even dicks?

[Eren]

maybe not dicks

[Ymir]

what about vaginas?

[Eren]

If you manage to make a believable vagina with leaves on the ground you're welcome to try

[Ymir]

Yes!

[Reiner]

I like dogs.. can I make a dog?

[Eren]

sure

[Bertie]

can I make a dog too?

[Eren]

there are no max amount of dogs. Make as many as you want

[Annie]

I don't like dogs

[Eren]

ok

[Historia]

does making a dog count extra?

[Eren]

no

[Historia]

does any of this count towards our math grade tho?

[Eren]

don't think so

[Eren]

but I'll buy chocolate to the most creative of you

[Sasha]

fucking on!

[Eren]

No swearing in class

[Marco]

but you swear all the time

[Eren]

just get going

Connie did end up making a dick. When Eren caught him out on it he made a good case for himself by saying that it would be sexist if they could have vaginas and not dicks.

“New rule then,” Eren declared as he climbed down from the ladder he had been standing on to get a better view of the “art pieces”. “You can make dicks, butts, boobs and vaginas, but they are not in the runner for the chocolate prize.”

“_What?”_ Ymir groaned as she sat on all fours carefully trying to pin the leaves down in the ground with sticks so they wouldn't get blown away by the wind. The sticks made for believable pubic hair, Eren mused. “That's laaaame.”

“I just want to encourage you guys to try something besides human anatomy.”

“Do you like mine?” Historia piped up, looking both proud and anxious at the same time. Eren climbed the ladder again and took his time inspecting it. She had tried really hard, that was for sure. Eren took a picture of her rendition of Mona Lisa and climbed down again.

“Very impressive,” he confirmed and her breathless gasp at the praise had him almost embarrassed. Eren was pretty sure Historia must be getting straight A's in all her classes simply because no one could be so cruel as to crush her heart with anything less.

“What the fuck is going on here?” a low voice growled right by Eren's elbow. He startled and turned around. There was no one there. Furrowing his brow he looked down and found Levi standing right next to him looking like a pissed off badger in a borrowed jacket.

“We're making art,” Eren replied simply, though he noticed that his legs were moving on their own, inching him slowly away from the threatening presence.

All the kids had stopped what they were doing and just stood staring at them with their mouths hanging open to various degrees.

“Those are _my_ leaves, Jaeger,” Levi said, his voice smooth and cool. _Deceptive_, Eren thought, _the calm before the storm_.

“There were no names on them,” Eren argued, and wondered idly if Jean had been right after all: he _was _suicidal.

“So you're going to gather all of this and put them back in the compost bags, are you?” Levi questioned. He almost sounded reasonable, almost like he wasn't inches away from ripping Eren's throat out with his bare hands.

“Oh, that isn't really my job though,” Eren smiled, internally screaming at the top of his lungs, “that's _your_ job.”

“Holy shit,” breathed Ymir.

The only warning Eren got was the tiniest of tics under Levi's eyes, but he needed nothing more. With lightening speed he turned around and legged it across the lawn.

“Run Eren, run!” Connie and Sasha called in unison.

“Remember to breathe!” Annie offered helpfully.

“Death is only an impermanent state of being!” Bertie yelled.

“What the fuck?” Reiner blurted.

“Please don't kill Eren!” Historia cried.

“Yeah, no one else would ever give me chocolate for making leaf pussy!” Ymir hollered.

That was the last Eren heard as he rounded the corner of the school. He needed a tactical plan. Realistically, Levi knew this school better than him. Perhaps he could run all the way home? He had a lock on his door, though Levi probably knew how to pick it, given his criminal past.

Any further thoughts were literally knocked out of him as he crashed into a surprisingly solid human being and he tumbled heavily backwards and onto his ass.

“Oh hey, Eren!” Hange beamed down at him. “Are you out doing a frisky jog? Keeping in that tip-top shape, hm?”

Eren scrambled up again and was just about to continue his sprint when Hange got sight of what was chasing him.

“You're out on a run too, huh, Levi?” they waved as Levi came jogging up to them. He had dropped his jacket somewhere along the way and was only in his blue overalls. Even dressed like that he looked like bloody murder and Eren tried to discreetly place Hange between himself and the crazy janitor.

“Give him up,” Levi demanded and prowled towards them. Eren had heard the description “_mouth going dry_” but hadn't really thought that was something that could really happen just by looking at something. But his mouth was dry. Like the Sahara desert. And just as his mind was screaming at him that he was in immediate danger, his body tightened and became strung out and hot. This was confusing. Was he horny or scared?

“Not giving anyone up unless you tell me what for,” Hange declared and pulled themselves up to their full height.

“He took my leaves,” Levi hissed. It should have sounded ridiculous, but he made it sound very serious.

Eren watched with trepidation as Hange and Levi squared off. They both stood with legs planted far apart, arms by their side, the wind whipping their hair around and Eren wouldn't have been surprised if tumbleweed rolled past them right about then.

Eren's first impression of Hange had been that they were an eccentric individual who had lived on top of a goddamn mountain for far too long. But the way they squared their shoulder and lifted their chin told Eren of a physical capability that surprised him. It was a good posture and it sure held Levi at bay. At least for the time being.

“Actually, I called dibs on those leaves,” Hange said, throwing an unknown factor into the equation. “What's going on with my leaves?”

A small, cruel smile crept across Levi's pale lips. With dooming finality he pointed a finger at Eren.

“Ask him.”

Hange turned and looked at Eren, their brown eyes magnified behind their spectacles glinting in the fading sunlight.

“Where's my leaves?”

“We, uh, made art,” Eren tried, waving his hand vaguely towards the direction he had been running from. “With leaves. If you hurry I think you can still see Historia's rendition of Mona Lisa and Ymir's va- uh, Reiner and Bertie's dogs.”

They all returned to the scene of the crime. Connie and Sasha's art pieces had metamorphosed into a pile of leaves which they were busy jumping in, but everyone else were still adding finishing touches to theirs.

“Oi, everybody!” Eren called, suddenly struck by inspiration. “We have gotten ourselves a judge in our little competition. Hange here will declare the winner.”

“Oh boy, really?” Hange cheered and clapped their hands as if this was actually something to be honoured by.

“They were originally _my_ leaves, so I should be judge too,” Levi declared.

Eren wondered if there was something in the water, but he nodded in mute acquiescence, just happy that Levi seemed distracted from his original quest of slaughtering him.

The kids hurried to stand by their masterpieces except Sasha and Connie who were trying to steal everyone else's leaves for their leaf pile. They only stopped once they tried inching their way towards Historia's and were met by Reiner's crossed arms and threatening glare.

Hange was the first one to climb the ladder and spent their sweet time deciding on which pile of leaf that vaguely resembled something that should win. Eren was painfully aware that he stood next to Levi who had his arms crossed over his chest and was surveying the landscape before him. Suddenly Eren didn't feel all that cold anymore and he chalked it up to the vigorous running he had just been doing. The biting wind felt good on his heated skin and he closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the scent of autumn, the decaying leaves and the promise of snow.

“My turn, four-eyes!” Levi suddenly bellowed, making Eren startle. “Everything's going to blow to shit before I get my turn.”

Levi had moved over to the ladder and was pulling on Hange's jeans. They tried to kick at him, but that only had him grab both their legs in a powerful move and literally picking them up from the ladder like it was nothing. Having just admired Hange's physique, Eren couldn't imagine that they were all that lightweight.

“Fuck!” Hange swore loudly, putting their hands on Levi's head to keep their balance as he turned them around and walked away from the ladder. Forcing his limbs to move despite his shock, Eren hurried over and caught Hange just before they were unceremoniously dumped on the ground. They tumbled breathless into his arms and a giggle escaped Hange when their eyes met.

Slightly flustered, Eren helped them up on their feet again. Not really knowing what to do with his hands now that they were empty of Hange, but they were still very much staring at him, he nervously tried to brush stray strands of hair behind his ears. What he wanted was a cigarette goddamn it, but he had gone cold turkey when he moved to Shiganshina. What a stupid time to decide to stop smoking.

“This is all shit,” Levi declared from the ladder. Well, good thing he wasn't a teacher, Eren mused.

“Of course it's all shit,” Ymir yelled up at him, “it's fucking leaves on the ground.”

“Well, I have decided,” Levi declared and pointed at Ymir. “The leaf pussy.”

Eren rubbed furiously at his face. Holy shit what was his life.

“No way,” Hange interjected. “The donkey with a hunchback!”

“There are no donkeys with a hunchback,” Levi argued.

“Sure are,” Hange insisted and pointed at Bertie's leaf pile.

“That's supposed to be a dog,” Bertie mourned.

“Oh,” Hange murmured, deflating a bit. “I still like your personal interpretation of a dog. Like Terry Pratchett said '_'taint what a horse looks like, it's what a horse be._'”

“It's not a horse either,” Bertie said, but got drowned out by everyone arguing at the same time why their piece should have won.

Eren turned around and walked inside again.

*

[Eren]

have you talked to dad yet Mika?

[Jean]

that bad, huh?

[Eren]

the janitor just awarded a prize to a student's rendition of a pussy.

[Eren]

made of leaves

[Armin]

somehow I get the impression you're not innocent in this

[Armin]

Also: what the actual fuck?

[Jean]

Is that even allowed? I mean...

[Eren]

I don't even know man

[Eren]

I don't know what the fuck I am doing here

[Eren]

also, I think the biology teacher, the one who wanted to use my eyes for genetic research, has a thing for me

[Jean]

She cute?

[Eren]

they're not bad

[Eren]

just batshit fucking crazy

[Eren]

I'd probably end up in one of those creepy documentaries. You know where the guy has taxidermied his wife or whatever.

[Mikasa]

No one is going to taxidermy you, Eren

[Jean]

don't make promises you can't keep, Mika. Those mountain folk are strange people. No one knows what goes on up there.

[Mikasa]

And yeah I talked to dad. He basically just said you needed some time to acclimate.

[Mikasa]

You'll be home for Christmas though, at least.

[Eren]

Can't fucking wait

[Eren]

When the janitor isn't actively trying to kill me it feels like the boredom will

[Jean]

how did you manage to piss off the janitor though? I mean, jees, aren't janitors supposed to be old, fat dudes with a drinking problem?

[Eren]

uhhhh, well today he tried to kill me because I stole his leaves

[Eren]

and he definitely isn't old or fat

[Eren]

he's like, even shorter than Armin

[Jean]

is that possible?

[Armin]

shut up. My height is perfectly average other places in the world

[Eren]

anyways, what are you guys up to? How are things going?

[Jean]

Scoring the ladies, acing classes and living life, yo

[Armin]

Studying, mostly. Though I am starting to feel the burnout to be honest

[Mikasa]

still in preproduction on Giselle

[Mikasa]

I am so fucking sick of it, seriously. Everyone is acting like this will be some type of reawakening of the old ballet, but ffs. It is done to death.

[Mikasa]

It is also boring as fuck without you

[Eren]

Who got the role of the duke after I left?

[Mikasa]

Fucking Floch. Kill me now.

[Eren]

My condolences.

*

The days ticked by and turned into a week, turned into two weeks, turned into three weeks. Eren still “taught” physical education and substituted for Gunther, the math teacher who had broken his leg. The break had been complicated and Gunther had been moved out to Sina for several operations and wasn't expected back at school until some time after Christmas. The only problem was, of course, that Eren had even less clue when it came to math than he had about physical education. Petra had told him with a breezy air that all he needed to do was read a chapter ahead in the book and he'd be prepared for the class. But somehow it felt like Eren had forgotten more than he ever learned to begin with.

It also didn't help that Levi kept on harassing him at every opportunity. They never seemed to get squared off.

One day Levi had poured bleach all over his chair and Eren hadn't noticed until he sat down, ruining a pair of perfectly good sweatpants. He retaliated by stealing paints from the craft-room and pouring into Levi's cleaning products.

Levi somehow managed to get into Eren's work computer and when Eren logged on later that day pages upon pages of porn flashed before him, much to the entertainment of everyone else in the office.

Eren flushed Levi's beanie down the toilet and cackled maniacally when it clogged and toilet water started gurgling out onto the floor.

Eren found fertilizer on his desk. Levi found fertilizer all over _his_ desk.

The trees had nearly lost all their leaves and the ground was covered with frost early each morning. One night in the middle of October it started to snow and it didn't stop.

Levi pelted Eren with snowballs at such rapid speed Eren was both soaked through and bruised by the time he could gather his wits and run into the school building.

Eren got 9a to help him fill Levi's broom closet with snow. They were very energetic and excited about it until Connie reminded them that this was _Levi's_ broom closet and they were all going to die. That made Historia cry, Ymir went awfully pale behind her freckles, Reiner shifted uneasily and even Annie looked like she was eyeing the exits. Sasha decided the best course of action was to come clean, but her silence was easily bought when Eren agreed to buy her a week's worth of crisps. They were both satisfied that they had gotten the better deal out of that.

The darkness was longer and heavier each morning as they closed in on solstice, but Eren found himself wondering what prank Levi would pull that day, and how to retaliate, rather than his own loneliness in the cold predawn dark. Eren no longer needed to trudge through the snow in his woefully underequipped shoes either, since Hange picked him up every morning, music blaring and coffee on a Thermos. They were a bit much, first thing in the morning, but Eren really appreciated the warmth of the car instead of the snowy hills.

"It's soon Halloween," Eren commented one week before the fact. It was just idle talk, but the way Hange's face lit up like a Christmas tree one would think he had just declared them a lottery ticket winner of several millions.

"We must throw a party!" Hange declared, slapping the fuzzy steering wheel in excitement. "A proper motherfucking Halloween party with skeletons in the trees and costumes and everything!"

Eren considered it. If Hange was to organise anything it would be a literal nightmare for sure, and that was definitely in the seasonal spirit. He hadn't been to a Halloween party where people actually wore costumes since high school, and those had usually been themed as either Harry Potter or pimps&hoes, depending on what type of friends you had. Halloween mostly just signified the start of two full months of non stop Christmas parties with school, friends, work, corporate events, the ballet troupe, previous troupes and so on and so on. Considering Shiganshina only had one measly bar, Eren was preparing himself for the driest Christmas since he turned eighteen. So if Hange wanted to throw a real Halloween party then, fuck, Eren was down for that. Maybe he'd get to know the other teacher's a bit better as well.

Of course, he wasn't taking into consideration that Levi the Janitor would be there as well.


	3. The Halloween Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange throws a party, someone is a sexy potato sack and ends up in bed with an unlikely suspect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support! It really brightens my day ❤️
> 
> Warning: There are mentions of dead animals in this chapter

Eren and Petra sat looking out of the window in the office at the snow falling softly to the ground.

“I thought maybe a cat?” Petra mused, tapping her lips with her mangy pencil.

They were trying to decide their costumes for the Halloween party. All the teachers had an excited invitation on their desk, adorned with the latest Windows' font in garish orange and pictures of pumpkins in the wrong size format.

“A bit dull, though,” Eren returned and looked at her, cocking an eyebrow suggestively, “unless you plan on being a sexy cat?”

Petra merely scoffed and punched his arm, though there was a faint blush underneath her freckles.

“If I go as sexy cat you have to go as sexy fireman or sexy cop, that's only fair,” she returned and Eren grunted in response.

Strong arms descended on their shoulders and Hange's face shot between theirs like a jack-in-a-box.

“Am I hearing talk about sexy costumes?” they needled, “what have you figured so far?”

“Nothing, nothing at all,” Eren sighed. “Where could one even get a good costume around here, anyway? I feel the only thing we'd be able to dress up as is either lumberjack or elk hunter.”

There were no clothing stores or similar in Shiganshina, but they did have an all purpose hardware store that sold things for the sort of hobbies that were popular in the area. “Possibly we could go as skiers? Murder skiers maybe?”

“We'll have to drive down to Sina,” Petra informed him, “they have a _mall_ and everything.” She spat out the word mall like it was a personal insult to her and all her ancestry.

"Really?" Eren inquired excitedly, "there is actual civilisation only an hour drive away?"

Petra clicked her tongue in a way that reminded Eren eerily of Levi, "I wouldn't call _their_ lot civilised."

"Hey, I am from Sina you know," Oluo interjected from his desk. Eren had wondered more than once what kind of paperwork Oluo could possibly be doing considering he was the music teacher, but he did sit at his desk an awful lot looking very busy.

"I know you are," Petra snorted and rolled her chair back to her desk. Oluo stared after her with a morose look on his face before shaking himself and returning to his mysterious paperwork.

With sudden intensity, Hange braced their hands on the armrests of Eren's chair and leaned their face into his. Even after having worked with Hange every day for nearly a month, he hadn't quite gotten used to their approach to personal space and recoiled violently at the intrusion.

“So what's it gonna be?” Hange inquired, “sexy cop or sexy fireman?”

“Do I have to be sexy anything?” Eren returned, pulling the collar of his track jacket up above his mouth and nose, trying to create a sort of artificial barrier between them.

“I don't think you can be anything not sexy,” Hange told him matter of factly, “wear a potato sack and you'd come dressed as sexy potato sack.”

“They're not lying,” Petra chirped as she clicked away on her computer. She was browsing Facebook.

“Isn't this sexual harassment in the workspace?” Eren asked and tried valiantly to roll his chair back to his desk, but Hange was disconcertingly strong.

“What did I hear about sexual harassment in the workplace?” a booming voice called out and a perfectly kept blonde head poked over the row of desks. Bushy eyebrows drew together as Erwin surveyed the little display between Eren and Hange. The force of his bright, blue gaze had Hange letting go of Eren's chair and meekly slinking back to their own messy desk. When everyone had returned to their designated space, head bowed in pretended studiousness, Erwin finally sat down again with a satisfied grunt.

“I'm definitely going as a sexy potato sack now,” Eren whispered to Petra who giggled loudly before slapping a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.

* * *

The day of Halloween dawned. Or rather, the alarm clock blared until Eren threw it into a wall, but the sun was nowhere to be seen. It wouldn't peak its pale, white face over the mountains until around nine in the morning anyway, so there was no point waiting for it. This year though, Halloween had fallen on a blessed Friday and Eren felt he was actually looking forward to the party that night. It would be held at Hange's, a small farmstead Eren had never been to, but he would hitch a ride with Petra so all was fine. Hange had assured him that there was more than enough room for everyone to sleep over so no one needed to have a white night unless they wanted to. That suited Eren just fine.

It being Friday, Eren's favourite day of the week, he didn't have 9a or any other middle grade class the entire day. Friday was the day he spent with the kindergarteners together with Nana playing ball in the gym hall. They were an energetic lot, but thankfully they hadn't really worked up the same type of coordination as 9a, and whatever trouble they could manage often stayed on a theoretical level. So far no one had tried making a net out of the jumping rope in order to hold him down while they tried to skip class, and to Eren at that point, it was as good as it got.

Eren suspected that something fundamental must have changed in him as he watched the little group of five-year-olds file into the gym hall in their costumes. They were adorable. Eren hated kids, but these were fucking precious. It had to be the mountain air scrambling his brains.

“I'm a witch!!” little Gabi declared at the top of her lungs as she swished her tiny broom around.

“I figured they'd dress up and we could walk around the offices and the teachers could give them candies,” Nana beamed at Eren who merely hummed his agreement. Gabi was already hitting Falco over the head with her little pumpkin bucket, yelling at him that she'd get twice as much candy. It was hard to reconcile that the energetic Gabi was the cousin of the much more level-headed Reiner.

Most of these kids lived at least an hour away from school so there would be no trick-or-treating for them later. It was now or never. They shuffled over to the first office in the kindergarten building and the kids jumped up and down as they were handed whatever the teachers had of sweets on their desks. Back at Eren's school there would have been a long list dictating what all the kids could and could not eat, but here that seemed to be a non-issue.

“Your mum said you'd eat dinner at our place this evening, Udo,” Ilse told the kid as she gave him some of her stale cookies. “Ymir will walk you home, so just wait at the after school club as usual.”

“That's fine,” Udo smiled politely before hurrying to hide his bucket from Gabi who was trying to steal some of his candy.

Eren mused that Jean might not have been all that far off on his remark when it came to everyone in Shiganshina being related one way or another. Maybe inbreeding was a thing after all. It wasn't like there were many single people to choose from in the twenty to forty age bracket, resulting in a pretty stale genepool unless someone was willing to go into Sina to find a partner. And as far as Eren had understood that was nearly as bad as breaking the law. Actually, it was probably much worse according to the locals.

It was baffling to realise that his mother actually came from these parts of the woods. She had grown up in Sina, not Shiganshina, but Eren wasn't about to tell anyone that little bit of information. Her family's close relationship with the Smiths had been what led to the idea that they contact Erwin asking if there was a position for Eren at his school. Fresh air, away from the city, a completely different life. What could go wrong?

Eren hadn't noticed his sour look and tightly fisted hand until Gabi smacked him in the crotch with her broom in excitement from all the candy she had received. Doubling over, his depressed train of thought was replaced with white-hot pain.

* * *

Eren felt like an old grandma as he clutched the handle on the car-door for his dear life. The car was racing through the snow at high speed, skidding into the other lane in the numerous curves, swerving past trees and flying over bumps.

_Is this when I die_? Eren thought idly, and found that he actually really didn't want to.

“I can't believe you're going as sexy potato sack!” Petra laughed as she shifted gear and swerved through another curve. She sat leaned back in her seat, relaxed, one hand on the wheel as the death trap zoomed through the forest. It was past five in the evening and the sun was setting, painting the landscape in an eerie blue colour.

“I wouldn't say it is a _sexy _potato sack,” Levi muttered from the backseat, “just a potato sack.”

“You're just jealous!” Petra shot back, swerving violently as a huge elk threatened to run into the road. She sat on the horn with all her tiny might, frightening the giant beast half to death. “Fuck off the road you idiot piece of shit!” she yelled at it, but at no point did she slow down.

Eren peered at Levi in the rear-view mirror. The janitor was always pale, even for a mountaineer, but now there was a deathly pallor to his complexion. But Eren wasn't about to comment on Levi's obvious fear as he was himself busy swallowing down his own bile that had threatened to spew forth and was just grateful he hadn't actually pissed himself. Eren now understood why Mike had quickly backed away with his large hands in front of himself when Petra had asked if he wanted a lift.

“At least I am wearing a costume,” Eren eventually croaked. Levi met Eren's gaze in the mirror and even though Levi's face was carefully blank, his pale, grey eyes were shot wide in suppressed fear. If Eren was going to die on this road, at least he'd take the janitor with him. “You couldn't even think of anything?”

“I have a costume,” Levi shot back, quickly shutting his eyes tight as Petra nearly hit a tree and cursed at it. “I'm going as 'Levi who doesn't have idiot colleagues,' and considering I work with you that's an impossibility on par with vampires and Santa Claus.”

“Levi!” Petra chided, but she was laughing so the severity of it was lost. Eren merely sighed.

“Are we at Hange's soon?” Eren asked as Petra's tiny Honda struggled up a steep hill.

“Right around the corner!” Petra promised, but Eren had learned in his first week that “right around the corner” for these people was about an hour over a mountain pass.

But to his astonishment “right around the corner” was correct for once. They climbed the hill and there it was: a large, blue house with several smaller buildings scattered about. There was a barn and a loft, as well as a garage and other misc buildings Eren had learned not to question. They mostly harboured moonshine and illegal guns and when it came to Hange... _well_, Eren was certain that the less he knew the better.

And Hange hadn't slacked on any aspect of the Halloween preparations. Even from the top of the hill, moving at full speed, Eren could see the plethora of jack-o'-lanterns, torches, lights and decorations that covered the front lawn.

“This is gonna be so fun!” Petra gushed as the car lost contact with the road and literally flew several meters down the icy road. Eren regretted having stubbornly insisted on sitting in front. It had been worth it to see the bloody murder on Levi's face at the time, but now he realised Levi had given up the spot too easily.

Eren had performed in front of the King and Queen, he had danced on broken bones, he had improvised when his partner fell down in a dead faint, he had ripped infected nails out of his feet, but now he clenched his eyes tight and focused all his effort on not screaming like a little girl as Petra drove over 90km/h up the winding gravel path to Hange's house.

A long moment passed in which there was nothing but static noise in Eren's head. He was dimly aware of the car rocking slightly and a door opening.

“Come on Eren, we're here!” Petra chirped and Eren slowly began moving his limbs again. With slightly shaking hands he managed to unlock the seatbelt and open the car door, but his legs were like jelly and he was about to fall into the snow when a strong hand gripped his elbow. Levi held him up long enough for Eren to take a deep breath and compose himself.

“Not bad,” Levi muttered, looking Eren up and down. “Last time Petra drove our minivan to Sina, Eld threw up and Oluo both fainted _and_ pissed himself.”

Eren opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out and Levi was already heading for the house. Left alone out in the freezing cold Eren got the strangest feeling that he had passed some sort of test.

The door to the house opened and sound and light poured out. Petra and Levi stood on the threshold silhouetted against the warm glow and looked back at him.

“Come on then, Eren!” Petra called again and motioned for Eren to follow, which he did on still shaking legs.

They were certainly not the first to arrive. Mike and Erwin (a pirate and what looked like a veteran soldier respectively) were already gathered in the kitchen munching on cheese doodles and crisps. Nana (a vampire goth?) was telling them to slow it down or else all the snacks would be gone before everyone had arrived and smacked their hands, but they would not be deterred. When she tried to steal the bowls from them Mike merely placed his giant hand on her head and held her at bay, her short arms not reaching much of anything. Petra clucked sympathetically, probably having experience with just how frustrating the two hulking men could be.

Moving in with unexpected grace for someone dressed as a sunflower, Petra inserted her small fingers into Mike's ribcage, eliciting a howl as he dropped the bowl to protect himself from the onslaught. With precise coordination, Levi and Nana stole the snacks and disappeared into the living-room at great speed.

“Cover us!” Petra yelled as she darted after them, leaving Eren to face the two men who were already on the chase. He held his arms out in front of himself in a supplicating manner, hoping against hope that the simple gesture would have the two grown ass men stop running after candy. But no such luck. Erwin and Mike took hold of each arm and easily hoisted Eren up like he weighed nothing at all and carried him with them.

Craning his neck, Eren tried to see where they were headed and his heart lurched in fear for the second time that day when he saw Hange (mad scientist, probably Frankenstein) running towards them at full speed. Eren had only a moment to brace for the pain before they were a tangled mess of limbs on the floor. At some point two dogs joined the fray, barking and pulling at clothes with Hange yelling “Sonny, Bean, get off! Stop humping Mike!”

Eren was crushed at the bottom, the buttons of Erwin's uniform shoved into his cheek, someone had kneed him in the gut and he could swear he was feeling a dog dick in the small of his back. With one arm he tried to claw himself to freedom and looked up to see Petra, Nana and Levi laughing at them. Petra had her phone up and was gleefully filming it all while Nana gave helpful commentary.

“And Sina-folk keep on telling us they're the civilised people,” Nana snorted, “what a pile of rejects. Literally.”

The party could only go up from there. The moonshine was pulled out at one point and Eren's memory descended into bright, colourful snippets.

*

Hange had created a “haunted house” in her barn that was absolutely terrifying. Mostly thanks to the actual frozen elk and deer cadavers that hung from the rafters, though apparently that wasn't a part of the haunted house itself. They were just there because Hange's freezer was busted. It was worth noting that there were no actual living animals in the barn.

Of course Levi thought it was hilarious to push Eren into one of the Texas Chainsaw Masacre-esque cadavers and almost doubled over with laughter when Eren screamed in panic when he felt the dead animal brush his face.

He had never seen the janitor this jolly before and despite himself, Eren ended up laughing a bit as well after the initial shock had died down. Damn moonshine scrambling his already scrambled brain.

[Eren]

the janitor almost got me stuck in a deer

[Mikasa]

what?

[Jean]

Are you high?

[Armin]

I've read that sentence five times now and I still don't understand what he's trying to say

[Eren]

Levi could fit inside the elk

[Eren]

Like he's so small he actually went all inside

[Mikasa]

What? What are you saying Eren?!

[Jean]

idk

[Armin]

I don't understand what's happening.

[Eren]

check sanp

[Eren]

snap*

When Eren watched the short video later, thankful that he had the drunken sense to save it to his memories, he realised it could easily be used in one of those “first person video camera horror movies”.

With a shaky hand he had filmed as they all laughed while Levi drunkenly made fun of Eren's panicked scream by shoving his head inside an elk carcass pretending to be Eren.

Off camera Eren's voice slurred in retaliation, “I bet you're not even fuckin' brave enough to climb inside it, midget,” resulting in Levi angrily undressing to his boxers and climbing in the elk's cadaverous gut with the very enthusiastic help of Hange.

Of course, being only in his small clothes inside a frozen elk in near minus ten degrees resulted in a very chilled janitor and Erwin had to carry him inside to get a hot shower. Levi still managed to flip Eren the bird and retaining threatening eye-contact as he was carried, bridal style and shivering, out of the barn.

Eren wasn't entirely certain who had won in that scenario.

*

Later, Petra was hanging from Eren's neck trying to dance, though she was just a giggling mess, her sunflower hat askew, hair wild and mascara smudged. Erwin and Mike had either managed to pace themselves, or just handled the moonshine better than everyone else, because they were seemingly very little affected by the poison. They stood talking with Eren as he tried not to touch anywhere inappropriate on Petra as they loomed over him.

“A sexy potato sack, huh?” Mike mused. Eren had borrowed a sack from Hange and cut some holes for the arms and neck. It was minimum effort, but so far he had gotten quite a few comments on it. “What's so sexy about it?”

“And why does it say _Yes, Daddy_ on the butt?” Erwin wondered.

“Oh, Erwin,” Nana sighed. Petra giggled.

*

Eren sat on the couch with Petra deeply asleep across his lap, watching Hange shuffle past wearing his Potato Sack. He couldn't remember having taken it off, but he must have since he wasn't wearing it anymore. There was a bowl of vinegar crisps balanced on Petra's stomach going up and down as she breathed heavily. Eren hated vinegar crisps, but he ate them anyway as he took a picture of Petra's nose because Levi was stuffing a cheese doodle up there and it was sort of funny.

*

Someone had locked Eren in the bathroom. The door wouldn't budge but he knew who the fucker was. Oh yes he knew.

“Levi, you god damned gnome, open the fucking door!” he yelled at the wooden barricade before thumping on it. “I can feel your evil presence out there.”

“Of course you can you absolute moron, I've been yelling at you to open the fucking door for the past- at _least_ an hour!” came Levi's irate reply. Eren mulled that over for a while, swaying slightly.

“It can't have been an hour because I haven't been in here an hour!” Eren eventually concluded, giving the door another thump for good measure.

“Just open the door!”

“I can't, you fucker, you locked me in!” Eren really wanted to strangle that floor washing leprechaun. Why was it so hard for him to understand?

Something on the outside pulled on the door violently.

“I didn't fucking lock you in, you prancing pony,” Levi yelled, “_you_ locked the door!”

_Oh._

Eren unlocked the door and opened it to find a fuming Levi on the other side. It might have been Eren's drunken imagination, but he could of sworn the corner's of Levi's mouth was spasming in suppressed laughter.

*

Hange had decided they were to sled off the roof of the house and into the snowy banks two stories below them. Nana was trying to force a hat onto Petra's head but the sunflower costume was in the way and in the end they gave up. Both Oluo and Eld were holding onto Petra as she stumbled around on the roof, whining that she wanted to go to bed and was cold. Placing the sleigh down, Hange gesticulated for Eren to sit down on it.

“I can't really remember if there are any firewood under the snowbanks,” Hange explained, “so we should go first to check if it's safe.”

Eren figured that was reasonable and sat down behind Hange, grabbing a hold around their waist and feeling the snow seep through the seat of his pants. He had forgotten to put his jacket on and was only dressed in t-shirt and jeans, but he found he wasn't in the least bit cold.

Something hard and unyielding collided with his back and squished him further forward and awkwardly into Hange. Peering over his shoulder and down, Eren found Levi gripping onto his t-shirt with a bland expression his face. As if it was a matter of course that he would have to engage in the drunken suicidal ideas of Hange, and mulling that over Eren realised that was probably how it usually went.

“Ready Eren? Ready Levi?” Hange called as Oluo, Nana, Petra and Eld lined up to wave them off.

“Ready!” Eren called and gripped a bit tighter. The part of his brain that wasn't rolling in potato vodka had turned on the red lights signalling imminent death or serious injury, causing Eren to second guess the wisdom of the stunt.

“I didn't hear you shortstack!” Hange yelled, “you ready to ride shiny and chrome?”

“To Valhall!” Eld the history teacher called enthusiastically. Levi muttered something unintelligible into Eren's back, the heat of his breath seeping through the thin fabric and reminding Eren how incredibly cold he actually was. A violent shiver ran down his spine and he had to swallow heavily when Levi kept on nudging him.

“Louder!” Hange demanded.

But Levi never got to reply because strong arms grabbed a hold of the sleigh they were sitting on and unceremoniously dragged it in through the window with Eren, Levi and Hange still holding on. They fell into a pile on the floor, with Eren once again at the bottom, as Erwin shook them loose of the sleigh.

“You're such a killjoy,” Hange accused him as they got up on their feet again. “I ride off the roof all the time.”

“Maybe don't do it with two people who have more alcohol than blood in their veins, alright?” Erwin suggested pointing at Eren and Levi who tried their best to stand straight and look sober under the scrutiny. Levi was doing a much better job than Eren, who managed to stumble over his own feet even though he was standing completely still. Eren suspected the janitor must have worked up an immunity to home brew while in jail.

Outside, Mike was busy herding the rest of the people off the roof with Petra under one arm and Oluo under the other.

*

“No, Eren, go to sleep,” Erwin instructed him as he tucked the covers up under Eren's chin. “I have put the bucket on your side of the bed, just so you know. No- Levi stop kicking Eren.”

“He takes up too much space with his gangly limbs,” Levi interjected sourly, kicking Eren again.

“There is more than enough room for the both of you in this bed,” Erwin said patiently, pulling the cover that Levi had tossed off himself back up.

“Actually, I should have more space since I am bigger,” Eren explained to Levi in what he figured was a reasonable tone of voice.

“Not my fault you're so rude you grew too much,” Levi muttered and kicked again, though not as violent because Erwin's eyebrows were drawing together in a stern scowl.

“I'm not tired,” Eren whined, feeling the bed spinning violently when he closed his eyes. “I don't want to sleep.”

“It's half past five in the morning,” Erwin told them both, “and _I_ am certainly going to sleep.”

“But Erwin,” Eren waved his hand, indicating for Erwin to lean down. Erwin did so and Eren tried to whisper in his ear, “I think Levi is going to kill me in my sleep.” He surreptitiously looked over at Levi to see what the other man was up to, and the glare he was receiving told Eren that he might not have been able to whisper after all.

“Levi is not going to kill you, Eren,” Erwin said with a drawn out sigh and patted the cover. “Now go to sleep, the both of you.”

“I'm pretty sure he'll kill me,” Eren insisted in a slur. It was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open despite the violently twisting room.

“Pff, if I'd wanted to kill you, long legs, I'd have done so already,” Levi grumbled and twisted around in the sheets. “You're so fucking cold don't touch me!”

“Hehe, do you mean like this?” Eren giggled and wiggled his hand until he felt it connected with Levi's bare skin. Levi let out a high pitched hiss that sounded disconcertingly like a kettle on the boil before he gave Eren such a vicious kick he was almost pushed out of the bed entirely.

“Calm down the both of you,” Erwin grumbled and helped Eren back in under the cover again. “Or else I'll put Petra between you and she's been puking the past half an hour.”

That threat settled them and they watched as Erwin nodded his head in satisfaction and left the room, only turning off one light and leaving the door ajar.

Eren knew he was freezing because his body was shivering violently, but he couldn't feel the actual cold. Erwin had removed most of his soggy clothes so he was lying under the cover in just his boxers and a borrowed pair of woollen socks that Hange had given him.

Peering at Levi he found the ex-convict snuggled into the quilted blanket with only his nose visible, his black hair mussed across the pillow. With the last of his second wind of energy Eren scrambled for his phone that was lying on the nightside table. Tongue poking out and one eye closed for better coordination, Eren managed to navigate his camera and held the phone up and snapped several pictures of the both of them.

“What are you doing?” Levi grumbled as he peered up at the phone.

“Evidence! You know, a 'last time he was seen alive' type thing,” Eren explained as he lost the phone onto his face and spluttered in pain.

Sending the picture to his friends turned out to be a nigh on impossible task, but he managed it in the end.

[Eren]

in be d with the ememi

[Eren]

emeny

[Eren]

duck

[Eren]

f uck

Still shivering, Eren inched closer to Levi to leech of his warmth as he didn't so much drift off to sleep as get a figurative sledgehammer to the head and pass out.

*

Waking up was a painful affair. Grey light seeped in through the window, softly illuminating the room Eren found himself in. It was filled mostly with boxes and miscellaneous items that, because they belonged to Hange, Eren didn't want to think too hard about.

There were noises somewhere in the house that sounded like someone was trying to be semi-quiet to be polite, yet loud enough to hopefully wake someone else because they were bored. A soft, steady snore had the previous night come back to Eren in snippets. Worried that his memories were correct Eren slowly turned his head and peered at the person sleeping next to him.

Levi fucking Ackerman, peacefully asleep with most of the covers cradled in a deathlike grip. Sleep and the soft morning light painted Levi's face in a peaceful expression and Eren found himself marvelling at how pretty the man actually was. Disregarding the pallid complexion with a slightly green tinge (not even Eren could fault a man for that after a night of Hange's moonshine), the thick, black lashes brushing high cheekbones and plump, slightly parted lips made Levi look enticingly kissable. Yeah, when the psychopatic ex-convict wasn't trying to kill Eren he was sort of good looking.

Eren hadn't had a boyfriend or a girlfriend in quite some time, almost four years he realised with a start, and he had forgotten how nice it was to wake up with someone. Even if that someone had a sworn vendetta against you. Catching himself, Eren turned away from Levi lest he wake up and find Eren lying there staring like a creep. It was a wild gamble how Levi would react at finding himself mostly naked in bed with another man staring doe-eyed at him.

The smell of bacon and coffee seeped in through the open door and Eren's stomach rumbled loudly in opposition. He had to get to the bathroom now or suffer the dire consequences.

Jumping out of the lovely soft and warm bed, Eren hissed in pain as the cold air met his naked skin. Where was his clothes? Peering around the room he found a lot of strange stuff, but no clothes. The insistent churning of his stomach had Eren carefully moving towards the door and peering out into the hallway. It looked to be clear passage.

Eren made it to the bathroom without incident, though what happened inside was best forgotten. At some point Eren was pretty much convinced his intestines had liquefied somehow during the night and afterwards he struggled wildly with the frozen shut window in order to air out the worst of it. Feeling marginally better after the evacuation and drinking copious amounts of icy water from the sink, Eren headed back out into the corridor again only to stand face to face with Hange.

Their eyes travelled down his body and then up again, their bland smile turning into something reminiscent of a kid on Christmas.

“Good morning there, Eren!” Hange chirped brightly. “Erwin hung your clothes by the oven downstairs in the kitchen if you're looking for them, though to be perfectly honest no one would complain if you let them dry a bit more.”

“Uhhh,” Eren replied intelligently, “I think I'd like my clothes now.”

“Okey,” Hange nodded, but remained standing there staring. Bending over slightly and shivering, goosebumps spreading across his entire body, Eren wondered not for the first time what had happened to his life. The moment of displacement was quickly cut short when Hange slapped themselves on the forehead with a 'doh' expression. “I'll get your clothes, Eren,” they assured him, “go get warm in bed and I'll be up with them in a moment.”

With a bright chuckle that ended on an ominous note, Hange strode downstairs leaving Eren to his own musings. Taking their suggestion of going back to bed to heart, Eren sneaked as quietly as he could back into the bedroom he had shared with Levi.

There was a small lump under the quilted covers and all that was visible of the man who had insisted on hunting Eren down every day since he had gotten to Shiganshina was a mop of black hair.

Poking his tongue out in concentration, Eren carefully lifted one side of the cover and inched his way under it, hoping not to wake the sleeping badger.

“Why are you sneaking naked into my bed, Jaeger?” the lump interrogated in a low, but dangerous, tone.

“_Our_ bed, actually,” Eren retaliated, “and you're partially naked too.”

The lump was quiet for a long while before it moved a bit in what could be a questioning manner.

“_Why_ am I partially naked, Jaeger?”

Eren contemplated fucking with Levi further and insinuate that they had gotten up to plenty of fun, but the image of Levi's peaceful, sleeping face made him hesitate. Why was he suddenly caring what Levi thought of him?

“Erwin took them,” Eren eventually replied and snuggled down in the bit of blanket that was left for him, “after we got soaking wet from our sleighing adventure.”

“Our what?” Levi asked, peeping out from his nest with slightly sleep swollen eyes and a red nose, sniffing.

Of all the people Eren had suspected he might end up in bed with at this party, Levi fucking Ackerman hadn't really been it. Suppressing a smile, Eren picked up his phone and began going through the pictures and videos he'd taken last night. There was a _lot_ of them, he realised surprised, and most of them were of Levi. Uh, that was weird.

Eventually he found some of the pictures he'd taken from when they climbed out on the roof, all blurry and everyone with red eyes from the flash. Levi was holding the huge, heavy sleigh over his head as Hange directed him and Eren balked slightly at the image. He couldn't really remember this bit, but the knowledge that Levi was capable of holding something thrice his size over his head was slightly alarming.

Levi looked at the picture when Eren showed it to him and grunted slightly, his drowsy and annoyed scowl changing into an expression of confused memory, brows pulled down and lips slightly parted.

“I can't believe you actually climbed inside that dead animal though,” Eren chuckled as he went through the videos. Why had he filmed Levi eating crisps? Huh.

“I climbed inside a what?” Levi asked again. He had to be the only person Eren knew who could ask a question and sound like he really wasn't curious about anything and rather you didn't answer. Eren figured showing him the video was the best way to reply, anyway.

With some trepidation he opened the video and held the phone up for Levi to watch. They were quiet for some time as the events unfolded on the small screen.

“Why am I taking my clothes off?” Levi questioned.

“I really couldn't tell you why you thought that was a good idea.”

The video was shaky, but watchable, and Eren couldn't help but notice that his cheeks were growing slightly warmer as he watched Levi unbutton his trousers and kick them away. It was hard going choosing to look at Levi's current face blanching as he watched himself or the mostly undressed version on the video.

“That's fucking disgusting,” Levi commented as his drunken past self began forcing his way inside the hapless elk. It was a giant monster of an elk, for sure, but it sort of looked like a reverse birth and it had Eren's already upset stomach slightly queasy. Levi clicked his tongue in distaste.

“At least I won the bet,” he eventually concluded once the short film was over.

“You didn't win any prize, though,” Eren reminded him as he continued to look through the photos.

Quick footsteps down the hallway interrupted their conversation and Hange came almost literally flying through the door, arms full of clothes and a tray with two cups of coffee and some toast and bacon.

“How are my two lovelies doing?” Hange questioned, putting the tray down on the bed before they began sorting the clothing into two piles.

“How can you be so... _awake_?” Eren questioned. Personally he felt like he had died not once, but possibly three times, and was only walking because it hadn't caught up with him yet. Levi didn't appear much better.

“Unlike you, I didn't drink anything last night,” Hange confessed and gave him a wink. “I learned early on that the homebrew stuff doesn't really sit right with my head.”

“You mean to tell me you were sober all last night?” Eren asked, once again, both finding it incredulous and very believable at the same time, “and you have a house on your farm dedicated to moonshine, yet you don't drink it yourself?”

“Yes and yes,” Hange confirmed and placed their hands on their hips, looking from Levi to Eren. “You two slept alright? No fighting? No lovemaking?”

If Levi even heard Hange he made a really good act of pretending that he didn't, busying himself with stealing most of the bacon. Eren followed his cue, picking up one of the mugs of coffee and taking a long, loud sip, hoping the crushing silence would be enough to deter Hange's line of questioning.

Nothing had happened, of course, but that didn't stop Eren from sort of, kinda, maybe, wishing that it possibly had.


	4. The Murder Mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something wicked has happened up at Shiganshina Hotel and Eren finds himself caught up in it together with two rather unexpected accomplices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry guys that it has taken so long to get this updated. I got a bit... carried away writing another fic that I am half-way done with now. Self-discipline and adult time management? I don't know them.

It turned out that Petra was still pretty drunk later on in the day on Saturday and Levi agreed to drive them back in her small Honda. Out of Eren and Levi neither actually had a licence, but since Eren had never even sat behind the steering wheel of a car before, the choice was clear. Everyone agreed that this was reasonable and apparently Levi drove Hange's truck all the time. Eren figured that as long as he got home in arguably one piece to drown in a shower it didn't really matter in the end, and it turned out his faith was well-placed.

Levi was a surprisingly good driver. Sure, he kept a speed well above the limit set by law, but then everyone in Shiganshina did. Petra was lying in the backseat moaning and twisting in Levi's oversized coat and Levi kept yelling at her that if she puked on it he'd wear her as a coat instead. With the sense of utter normality, Eren snuggled into the warmed up seat and watched the trees fly by with a small smile on his face. It was quickly wiped away when they hit a curve and Eren's intestines threatened to pour out of his mouth.

*

Eren's stomach was still churning from the vodka Monday morning. The weather had made a 180 turn during the weekend and the minus ten degrees had turned into a plus ten degrees. It was wet and soggy outside, the snow turning into sludge and a consistent drizzling rain crowned the sadness that was early November.

Standing outside halfway sheltered under the doorway into his apartment complex, Eren waited for Hange to turn up. They had texted him an hour ago that they were on their way so they should have been there any moment. There was a lot of activity on the small street passing the building that morning, cars and people driving and walking by, slowing down at the top of the street at a point where Eren couldn't see what was happening. There were even a couple of police cars which peaked Eren's interest. This was the most excitement he'd seen outside the small street in the entire month he had lived there.

The smell of gasoline and the tell-tale cough of a very tired engine signalled Hange's arrival. Eren hurried to climb into the truck and reached for the Thermos of coffee, pouring a healthy amount into the keep-cup Petra had given him the first week.

“You can't live without a keep-cup, Eren,” she had admonished him, pushing the bright yellow thing on him. “How do you imagine you're gonna get caffeine while out walking in the mountains? Or driving? Or while at the store? Don't be stupid.”

Eren could do nothing but respect Petra's foresight as the cup had saved him each and every morning for weeks now. And even if he had been nonplussed as to why he needed it at the grocery store of all places, he had quickly learned that the owner, one Pyxis Dot, was very liberal on both handing out coffee and something a bit stronger on the especially cold days. A lifesaver for sure.

“There's something going on at the centre,” Eren informed Hange as they slowed to a near stop behind a row of cars. “I don't know what it is, but I saw two cop cars.”

This had the desired effect. Hange leaned over the steering wheel, squinting out between the windshield wipers to get a better look.

“Police cars, _really_?” They questioned excitedly. “I wonder what they can be doing here at eight in the morning?”

Slowly they made their way through what the locals optimistically named “the centre” which was just a small park with shops, a few houses and some apartment buildings surrounding it. On the north end of the park stood the community centre where movies were sometimes shown on a projector, and on the south end stood the church. No one ever went to church unless there was a funeral, forcing the priest to get a second job at the café so that his days weren't so slow. Or at least that's what he had told Eren on the occasion Eren had to go there to get some internet. Turned out they didn't have any internet.

Eren sat wondering whether he should beg someone to take him into Sina so that he could pretend civilisation existed, when they finally edged over the small slope and saw what was going on. The winding road leading up to the hotel was lined with cars upon cars, several of them police cars and what even looked like the local news team. Red tape had been set up to stop people from milling too much where the police were busy trying to do some work.

“Wow,” Hange whispered in awe, “I wonder what happened?”

“Looks like a murder to me,” Eren said and sipped his coffee. Hange's brown eyes immediately swirled back to him.

“How do _you_ know?” they asked, eyebrows raised high.

“There was a couple of knifings at the place I used to live at,” Eren explained, enjoying the strong brew settling his stomach.

“And?” Hange prodded.

“And what?” Eren retaliated, “there isn't much to tell. Some people got stabbed, the cops showed up, put tape everywhere and asked us a lot of questions. Really, it kept me from rehearsal more than once and it was a real drag.”

Hange merely stared at him for a long while as the car inched slowly past the happenings. They were going so slow Eren wasn't worrying much about Hange keeping their eyes on the road.

“You sound like Levi when you talk like that,” Hange finally commented, taking Eren completely by surprise. “He tells these really fucked up anecdotes of living in the city like they're normal, too.”

Gathering his wits after the initial shock, Eren shrugged his shoulders.

“There are good things about the cities, too,” Eren argued, “there are so many different types of people, you can easily get anywhere you want, things happen all the time like dances, and parties, and movies and- yeah... there's just a lot of life.”

Eren's own enthusiasm had him deflated. Fuck he missed the city. He missed just texting his friends asking if something was happening and an hour later he was out there having a beer and meeting new people. He even missed _Jean_. At least Jean knew absolutely everyone worth knowing, somehow, and if Eren ever found himself bored the guy was the one to contact.

“Earth back to Eren!” Hange called, shoving his shoulder slightly. “I've been trying to talk to you for the last five minutes, where did you go?”

Shaking himself out of his own depression, Eren tried sitting up straighter and drank a bit more of his coffee. They had passed the road with the police cars and were heading up towards the school buildings with a dooming finality.

“It was my dad's idea that I get a normal job after everything went shit, you know,” Eren said, revealing something that no one except Erwin knew. Unless Erwin had blabbered, but Eren somehow really doubted that.

“_What_!?” Hange fake gasped, “you mean to tell me the renowned ballet dancer Eren Jaeger _didn't_ want to work as a physical education teacher at a tiny middle school in Shiganshina?”

Eren gave Hange a look he hoped conveyed his exasperation at their outburst, but all it did was make them laugh. Already exhausted even if the day hadn't properly started yet, Eren massaged his temples.

“You guys have been really welcoming, y'know?” he tried instead, “but I do miss my friends and my home... and everything.”

“Of course you do, handsome,” Hange said, their voice unusually warm and understanding. They rubbed his shoulder in a friendly gesture before returning it to the steering wheel. “I didn't grow up here either, you know?” Hange divulged, “I grew up in Trost same as you, and I was engaged to be married and everything when one day I realised I just couldn't deal with it: the normal life, everybody calling me a _bride_ of all things, and I just... I just _moved_. Sold all my shit and bought a small farmstead out here. I hadn't even heard of this place before but I knew I needed something completely different. Turned out I actually found home instead of leaving it, though I do miss my boyfriend.”

Hange wasn't looking at him as the car slowly climbed the road up towards the school, their messy hair obscuring most of their face, though it couldn't hide the bittersweet smile on their lips.

“He didn't want to come along?” Eren asked, knowing full well that it took something really unprecedented to be able to uproot ones life as completely as Eren and Hange had done.

“Nah,” Hange confirmed, “Moblit is like you; he loves the city! He wouldn't last a day up here on the mountains. I couldn't take that from him. He would have come, you know, if I had asked him... but that's not fair.”

Eren nodded in silent agreement. He had been in love a few times in his life, but in the end it hadn't taken much to put the flames out. Fleeting emotions and fast fancies. What Hange was talking about was the age old “if you love them, let them go,” only this time Eren supposed they didn't come back.

“This is a lot of honest talk so early in the morning,” he joked instead, huffing out some air and feeling gratified when Hange burst out laughing.

*

The faculty lounge room was buzzing. Erwin had the local newspaper draped across the low coffee table and everyone stood around it commenting on its contents. Hange gave the room a once over and sniffed in deeply as if to take in all the excitement.

“So did you guys see all the police cars parked on the road up to the hotel?” they questioned loudly and everyone stopped talking to stare at them.

“What? No?” Petra squealed, her goldenbrown eyes big as saucers in her face. “I don't go by the center on my way to work. Were there many?”

All the teachers flocked around Hange as they took their appointed spot as the person most “in the know” and answered all the questions. Even those they couldn't possibly know because all they had seen had been some tape and some police vehicles.

Eren shook his head and walked over to the coffee machine to have a refill. It would probably just turn out to be some tourist at the hotel who had choked on skiing glue or something. Perfectly normal. A light shove at Eren's elbow told him that a certain janitor was craving coffee as well. Eren contemplated for half a second whether he should just take all of it himself, but the fact that they had, in essence, slept together demanded that the gentleman in him offer the other some coffee. Pouring the black liquid into the grand mug Levi was holding up they both stood quiet as the other teachers discussed in great detail what could have happened at the hotel.

“Rico is being such a tease in the news article,” Oluo complained, “it is obvious that she knows what's going on, but she doesn't want to say. If she strings us along we'll buy more papers, because heaven knows this crap rag isn't worth the paper it is written on.”

“It's probably the fucking Sina pigs putting a lid on it,” Petra growled, making Eren's eyes pop. He still hadn't gotten used to the small, blonde woman's steel. “They've definitely told Rico that she can't write the name of the murder victim.”

“If it is someone local we can all understand that the family want to keep it silent for a while,” Erwin interjected reasonably.

“Why? If it is someone local we probably know them?” Mike argued and crossed his massive arms over his tree trunk of a chest. “Wouldn't that give us the right to know?”

“It just means the cops have no clues yet,” Levi interjected, his quiet voice cutting through their jabber like a knife, “the community not knowing the details will give them an edge during questioning.”

Eren had two very conflicting voices going through his brain at the same time. One, the slightly louder of the two, told him that it was obvious that the creepy ex-convict would know these details, the other, the more quiet one but ultimately the most disturbing, was murmuring that it was sort of hot that Levi had that kind of insight.

Wanting to retain some of his sanity, Eren decided to latch onto his initial thought and take a step away from Levi, putting the can of coffee back where it belonged. Levi was holding the newly filled mug by the rim rather than the handle, giving Eren a slight heart attack in fear that he'd drop the entire thing to the floor. Why couldn't the small, dark man just be slightly normal?

“You're cleaning that up if you drop it,” Eren told him in a warning tone, pointing at the precariously held mug.

“Not if I make you,” Levi retaliated, lifting an eyebrow in a manner that told Eren that he was good on his threat.

“Stop flirting you two, and come here and help us figure out who got murdered,” Hange interrupted them, effectively making the entire exchange awkward. The fact that Eren had a vivid memory (and a video) of Levi in only his underwear wasn't helping any.

“Probably just a tourist,” Eren sighed as he got joustled when Levi forced his way past him.

“If it is a tourist then Reiss is gonna milk that for everything its worth,” Eld mused to the general agreement of everyone.

“He'll probably advertise the hotel as the “murder hotel” and have toured ghost walks and everything,” Petra added with a heavy roll of her eyes.

There was a quiet knock on the red door of the teacher's lounge and finding himself the only one not engaged by the paper, Eren walked over and opened it. Looking down he saw the blonde head and a sour look of Annie.

“We're supposed to have math and shit now, Eren,” she sighed and turned back to reveal the rest of the class clustered at the end of the hallway.

“I still think it's fucking lame to remind a teacher to teach us, we could have gotten the period free, y'know,” Ymir growled from her spot.

Eren pulled out his phone and looked at the time. Class was supposed to start half an hour ago. He couldn't remember having heard the bell ring at all.

“Uh guys?” he called back into the teacher's lounge. The only one paying him any attention was Levi who seemed wholly unconcerned by the entire mystery that had everyone else up in arms. “Classes have started?” Eren tried again, but Hange was now energetically re-enacting how they imagined the supposed murder must have gone down. It looked like it involved a ski pole somehow.

“Hey, morons,” Levi shot in. He hadn't raised his voice or changed the tone in any way, but the entire room fell silent. “You're all neglecting your sorry excuses for a job.”

Collectively the entire room looked up at the clock hanging above the door and let out various expletives. Eren barely had the time to dive out of the way before they clogged up the doorway like a pack of desperate animals heading for the nearest exit. The silence left after them was nearly deafening, only broken by the slow slurping of Levi enjoying his coffee in peace.

Eren let his breath out slowly as he contemplated his class standing there shoved up against one wall to not become annihilated by the stampede of teachers. Of course it had to be his class. Nobody but 9a would ever consider getting their teacher if they didn't show up, and he suspected it had absolutely nothing to do with any actual will to do math on a Monday morning. It was more an inherent need to further ruin his already dreary morning.

*

Sitting by what had been Gunther's desk, but was now Eren's desk, he slowly went through the roll call sheet. As predicted 9a was doing anything but solving the math problems he had handed out to them.

Hitch sat together with her fellow blackclad cronies drawing something that had them all guffawing. Sasha was nearly done with her lunch box while Connie sat playing something on his Switch. Bertie was diligently braiding Annie's hair in a complicated fashion while Reiner held up his phone with the tutorial video playing on max volume. With superhuman attention, Marco sat right next to them with his nose buried deep in his book, seemingly completely undisturbed by their noise. Ymir was on her phone texting with a deep frown on her face together with- huh... Where was Historia? Eren could suddenly feel the lack of her quiet, but strangely comforting, presence acutely.

“Ymir?” he called out and the girl raised an eyebrow to show that she was listening, but didn't look up from her phone. “Is Historia sick today?”

That finally got her attention and Ymir looked up from her phone, heavy brows pulling down even further into what Eren now recognized was worry rather than annoyance.

“I dunno,” she replied with a hopeless shrug, “I've texted her like a hundred times this morning, but she hasn't answered yet.”

“Who? Historia?” Sasha asked while peering into her now already empty bag of cookies.

“You guys heard what happened up at the hotel?” Connie questioned further, and if possible Ymir's look grew even darker.

“You don't think-?” Reiner began, but was interrupted when Ymir banged her fist on the desk.

“Shut up! All of you!” The note of hysteria in the otherwise so typically careless girl had the rest of the class fall silent.

Eren on his part felt completely out of his league, watching Ymir's shoulders rise and fall while she struggled with her unvoiced fears. Should he comfort her somehow? Would she deck him if he tried? Maybe he should go and get Petra, she'd know what to do.

The strained atmosphere shattered when the door to the room shot open and banged against the wall. In waltzed Levi in his blue overalls and a stepladder over one shoulder and a toolbox in the other.

“Uh, we're in the middle of class,” Eren objected as Levi walked in, completely unconcerned with whatever was happening inside the classroom. His steely, grey eyes gave the room a once-over, taking in Sasha's food, Connie's Switch, Annie's poorly braided hair and Ymir's red face.

“I don't think so,” was Levi's quiet remark before he put the stepladder down, climbed it and began removing the cover of one of the flickering ceiling lights. That light had, to be fair, been annoying Eren for quite some time. He hadn't been arsed enough to complain about it though, but it seemed like Levi had complete control of what went down at any part of the school.

Having given up on trying to teach the class any math, mostly thanks to Eren not really knowing any math himself, they all returned to what they had been doing. Pulling out his phone, Eren spent some time going through his social media and trying to ignore Levi working right in front of him. Tried really hard not to imagine the janitor in only his boxerbriefs. The more Eren tried not to think about it, the more flustered he became.

There were laws against imagining your co-workers naked, right? Eren could feel the heat spread across his face when Levi leaned over to place the cover on the floor. Eren's memory was slightly hazy considering the amount of alcohol he had been drinking at the time, but he was pretty sure Levi had several tattoos on his body. Probably gotten them in jail too. That shouldn't be hot... should it?

[Eren]

On a scale from 1 to 10, how problematic is it to imagine your janitor naked?

[Jean]

Depends how hot she is?

[Eren]

and one can have been in jail and still be a good person right? I mean, who doesn't want to murder once in a while?

[Mikasa]

Eren...

[Armin]

Is this the guy you sent a snap of? The crazy man in the dead animal?

[Eren]

To be fair he was drunk on moonshine

[Eren]

Who knew potatoes could be that lethal

[Armin]

I think you should stay away from him tbh

[Mikasa]

Aren't you at work?

Eren took a quick picture of his class in disarray and Levi working on the ceiling light before uploading it in chat.

[Eren]

Yeh

[Armin]

How haven't you gotten fired yet?

[Jean]

is that one girl carving in her desk with a knife?

Looking up, Eren caught Ymir with her tongue poking out in concentration as she made her masterpiece with a knife on the wooden desk.

“Ymir, cut that out!” Eren scolded only to receive a heavy eyeroll for his effort and not much else.

“Nice pun,” Hitch snickered, “write that down Marlow.”

Just as Eren was about to heave himself up from his chair, though to be honest he was slightly hesitant in approaching anyone armed with a knife, Levi climbed down from the ladder. Leisurely, like he was just walking over to have a chat, Levi headed over to Ymir and stood hovering ominously over her. She was definitely noticing him, her eyes kept on darting to him but she valiantly continued her work. In one smooth movement which Eren wasn't quick enough to catch, Levi had taken the knife and Ymir had pushed her chair back from him with a surprised yelp.

“Don't ruin school property,” Levi demanded with ice in his voice, promising much hurt to any who tried.

“You're not allowed to have a knife!” Ymir retaliated stupidly, but bravely, “'cus of jail and all.”

There weren't really any change in Levi's stance or his demeanour, he looked mildly bored like always, but the next instant the knife was slammed not in, but _through,_ the desk and stood quivering in the aftermath.

“Is that so?” Levi asked silkily. Everyone's eyes were collectively on the knife shoved to the hilt in the dense woodwork.

“I think I just peed myself a little,” Ymir piped in a small voice.

With a dismissive click of his tongue, Levi returned to his stepladder and the work he had been doing. There was near total silence in the room, only ruined by the happy chirps coming from Connie's Switch that lay forgotten on his desk.

Levi surveyed the room with a critical eye. “I am pretty sure Eren gave you worksheets,” he snapped, and to Eren's wonder and amazement he watched as the class rummaged in their bags as one, producing the sheets and hunched over them, calculators and pencils at the ready.

What kind of magic was this?

And had that actually turned him on? Squirming a bit in his seat, Eren was painfully aware that tracksuit pants were possibly the worst thing to wear while threatening to sport a semi. Really, Eren hadn't been this confused since he was seventeen and had a weird crush on his ballet master for about three weeks.

Ballet master Shadis _really_ wasn't the type of person you should crush on. But Eren was starting to worry that he might have a type.

Hunching over slightly, Eren rested his elbows on the desk and resolutely placed all his attention on the bedraggled mathbook in front of him rather than the ex-convict handling his light fixtures. Wait.

Time dragged on, the students were doing, or at least pretending to be doing, their worksheets. Whispering each other when they had problems rather than Eren because they had quickly learned that was hopeless. In the end they all agreed that they wouldn't be able to do much since Historia wasn't there to help them.

From the corner of his eye, Eren kept tabs on Levi and his goings on. Who knew there were so much that had to be done in that exact classroom? When Levi was done fixing the lights he started oiling the hinges on the cabinets, then he fastened some screws on some chairs (throwing out whoever sat in said chair) and in the end he was rummaging around with the radiators. Something which Eren wasn't entirely sure he was qualified to do, but looking at the knife still wedged into the desk Eren wasn't about to say anything about it.

When the clock finally rang signalling the end of class Eren let out a long, tortured sigh and slammed his head onto the desk. Only four more hours to go. Then he'd do the same thing tomorrow. And the day after and another and another, until Saturday when he'd sit home alone and do nothing except maybe listen to music and accidentally drink himself shitfaced. Eren sighed again.

“Uh, Eren?”

“I'm not home,” Eren mumbled into the desk.

“I need your help.”

The words fell on him like a bucket of cold water and he sat up, peering at Ymir in confusion. Whatever could she need _his_ help for?

“Are you in pain or somethin'?” Ymir questioned, “you look like someone shoved a broom up your ass.”

“No, what?!” Eren groaned, lord help him, “what do you need help with? If it's something academical you should rather go to Petra or... anyone that isn't me, really.”

“Nah, actually, you're the perfect man for the job,” Ymir declared and sat down on the desk, apparently completely confident that his help was guaranteed. “We need to sneak past the cops at the hotel and bust into it and find Historia.”

There was a long silence.

It was interrupted by Levi slamming a hammer on the radiator and Eren was only slightly alarmed by that.

“We need to do _what_?” Eren questioned and scowled. A headache was thumping dully behind his eyes.

“Historia isn't answering my messages, but I think we can find out where she is if we head to the hotel. We need to go and find her,” Ymir sighed as if Eren was just plain dumb for not understanding.

“I'm at work!” Eren insisted, “I can't just _leave_.”

Ymir rolled her eyes heavily again, “you're a P.E teacher Eren, nobody is going to notice if you're gone.”

“Hey,” Eren protested weakly. That actually stung. “Petra would notice, she made me lunch.”

“Aw, well except the one with the ladyboner then,” Ymir amended, “but enough about you, we need to save Historia. God only knows what is going on up there, she has _never_ not answered my texts.”

“Why me though?” Eren asked, ignoring the comment about Petra's ladyboner, “why can't you take your ragtag team of classmates and do it?”

“Uh, because they'd all fuck it up?” Ymir retaliated and looked at Eren like he truly was as dumb as one could get. “Maybe Annie could have been of some help, but that girl seriously don't give a fuck about anything.”

“Alright, suppose that I am the only one who could help you, I'm still at _work_ Ymir,” Eren tried to explain. “Also you shouldn't swear so much around your teachers.”

“Nah bro, I only swear around you 'cus you cool,” Ymir grinned, her braces glittering in the now fixed ceiling light. For a moment Eren felt his heart swell, until he realised that she was only trying to butter him up and his face fell.

“If you're gonna sneak past the pigs, you better do it at night. They might even have left by then.”

Ymir and Eren both turned their attention to the radiator where Levi sat with several unidentifiable pieces spread on the floor. He had taken off the upper part of his overalls and sat in a white t-shirt, peering at a part Eren was pretty sure shouldn't be anywhere but _on_ the radiator.

“What'ya sayin'? That we should sneak in under the cover of dark?” Ymir inquired, tapping her chin in contemplation. “That's actually really smart. You learn a lot from being a criminal, huh.”

Levi threw her a silent glare before returning to his many miscellaneous pieces scattered around.

“_We_ aren't sneaking anywhere,” Eren reiterated, “I'm sure Historia is fine, she probably forgot to charge her phone or something.”

“Oh you believe that huh?” Ymir returned, her voice quivering slightly making Eren feel exceedingly uncomfortable. “You don't get it do you? This is _Historia_ we are talking about. Historia not showing up for school? Not sending any texts or anything asking me to bring her notes? And then all the cops being up at the hotel-”

Eren was getting a sinking feeling in his stomach as Ymir ranted at him. She was bringing up a lot of good points. Yet there was something that he wasn't quite understanding, “what does the hotel have to do with anything?”

“You really don't know shit do you?” Ymir barked, having lost her patience, “Historia _Reiss_ ring a bell? She _lives_ at the hotel, Eren, that's what it got to do with it.”

Eren could feel his eyes widen in shock as he finally realised what had Ymir so worked up. And here she was asking him for help of all people. What the fuck could he do? Sneaking past the cops was one thing, how were they supposed to get any information? It was obviously kept under wraps, and now it made so much more sense that the paper didn't want to print any names.

“Oh shit,” Eren breathed and rubbed his jaw in thought, “what do you propose we do, then?”

The relief on Ymir's face at Eren's acceptance made Eren feel bad to have denied her in the first place. She jumped up from the desk and began waving her arms animatedly as she explained, “like Levi says, we should try and head up there after dark since it's easier to sneak past the pigs and all. Then I figure we have to do a stake out, right? Get a lay of the perimeters and shit. I know where her room is so we could go and take a peek through the window, see if it's empty or whatnot. And if she actually has been kidnapped we find those motherfuckers.” Ymir ended her speech by smashing her fist into her hand, indicating what she'd do if she caught them.

“Uh, kidnapped? You think Historia's been kidnapped?” Eren sat up straighter in his chair. This was taking quite a different turn.

“Yeah of course! What did _you_ think happened? Actually, don't answer that.” Ymir was her same old self again, placing her hands on her hips as she appraised Eren. “Meet me at the community center at around nine tonight, then we'll infiltrate Reiss Hotel.”

There weren't really an opportunity for Eren to either accept or decline as Ymir promptly stormed out of the classroom with a determined look on her face, slamming the door shut behind her.

Eren got up from his chair with composure and grace and walked over to Ymir's desk. She had started carving a classic Y+H with a wobbly heart around it and something tight squeezed in Eren's chest. Swallowing several times he pulled out his phone and took a picture of the wedged knife, sending it to the groupchat with the tag “janitor got annoyed with student.”

“I don't think this is ever coming out again,” Eren mused as he tried to move the knife, if only an inch. It was completely stuck.

“Good, let it be a warning,” Levi grunted. He was still on the floor messing around with his pieces, blowing on them and wiping them with a rag.

“What are you doing?” Eren asked, slinking over to where the janitor sat and leaned on one of the desks with his hands in his pockets.

“What does it look like?” Levi deadpanned, “I am cleaning.”

“Cleaning random bits of radiator?”

“... and?”

“No, nothing.”

The smile tugging at the corners of Eren's mouth couldn't be held back any more and he hoped he looked suave rather than just an idiot.

“Stop smiling at me like a idiot,” Levi demanded. Oh. “Anyway, I'll meet up with you at the community centre. God knows you need all the help you can get.”

Eren's heart slammed once, really hard, into his chest as he began stammering, “oh, uh, y-you don't have to-”

“I didn't ask if you wanted my help,” Levi interrupted, “I am telling you that you're getting it.”

“Alright,” Eren agreed a bit a breathlessly, not knowing whether he should feel honoured or threatened. “Thanks?”

“You're welcome.”

“Uhm..”

The silence that stretched between them was heavy and awkward, though Eren suspected that it was mostly so for him. Levi seemed content with cleaning his pieces.

The day really crawled by after that and gym was especially harrowing with Ymir trying to catch eye contact with him and winking. She wasn't being very subtle about it either, and eventually Sasha bit the bullet and asked why Ymir was flirting with the P.E. teacher. That earned her a shove and dodgeball to the head and Ymir a written warning.

*

The clock inched towards half past nine in the evening. Eren sat on his bed watching a television show he didn't quite understand. The characters were having some nonsensical problems that could easily have been solved with communication.

“Why don't you guys just _talk_?” Eren huffed and shovelled some more pasta into his mouth.

There were no internet in his apartment, something Eren had naively thought wasn't actually possible in the modern day and age. Instead he had taken to watching TV during the evenings which he hadn't really done since he was a kid.

After figuring out that there was no internet and that he was effectively cut off from the outside world, Eren had gone through the seven stages of grief. He was now nearing acceptance. There had even a period in which he thought he'd finally get shit done now that he wasn't wasting it scrolling through social media. But instead of finishing the books he never got to, learn how to take photographs or get to know the area he lived in, he just watched shit shows on television.

Busy chewing pasta and yelling at the TV, Eren startled slightly when his phone buzzed. It was a message form an unknown number.

[Are you ditching us? Levi and I are waiting]

Fuck.

Balancing the bowl between his thighs, Eren wiped his mouth on his duvet and started typing a reply.

[I'm guessing this is Ymir? I thought you were joking, you're really going to break into the hotel?]

Some seconds ticked by.

[You're such a flakey asshole. Luckily Petra told me where you live.]

Shocked, Eren sat up quickly while inhaling and managed to get a wayward piece of pasta down his windpipe. Coughing and struggling he heard a knock on his door. Fucking hell.

“I know you're in there!” Ymir yelled through the door and knocked once more.

Coughing and swearing, Eren got up from the bed and headed for the door with his phone in one hand and a half-eaten bowl of pasta in the other. Several moments passed as he stood in front of the door wondering how to open it with both his hands occupied and the knocking growing even more insistent.

“Keep your fucking panties on I am coming!” Eren yelled at the door, and finally solved his problem by shoving the phone in his mouth.

Turning the locks, Eren wrenched the door open and glared at what he saw outside in the hallway. Ymir stood there in her snowboard pants and goggles, nose red from the cold and hair drenched from the rain. Telling her to fuck off and stop trying to get him to break the law would have been easy, except the person who stood just behind her scowling.

Dressed in his large shearling jacket and a beanie, not the one Eren had flushed down the toilet, Levi looked like a thug there to either cash in on a loan or break Eren's kneecaps. Slowly, Levi licked his front teeth and let his gaze travel up and down Eren's dishevelled body.

Voice dark and melodious, chin held high and eyes glinting with deadly intent, Levi asked, “how did you get ketchup on your forehead?”

Eren wanted to reply with a scathing comeback, but was stopped by the phone still in his mouth. Letting go of the door, he spat the phone out and put it in the pockets of his sweatpants instead.

Ymir interpreted that as an invitation and barrelled into his apartment, “get dressed, ballet boy, we're going to rescue Historia.”

“We did some staking out, there are still a few police vehicles up there,” Levi explained while he too sauntered into Eren's apartment. “Why they're there I couldn't tell you. They should have been done collecting any evidence by now, even if they are completely incompetent.”

“They might be waiting for the kidnappers to call with a ransom on Historia,” Ymir suggested and placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot in an obvious display of impatience.

Eren had headed into the bathroom to check if he truly did have ketchup on his forehead. And he had, and on his cheek, and on his t-shirt and on his sweatpants. Whatever.

After having wiped angrily at the ketchup with a towel, Eren rummaged through his pile of mostly clean clothes on the floor and found his favourite sweater. It had never been his favourite sweater before he moved to Shiganshina on account of it being really ugly but also really warm. Grumbling and stomping, Eren pulled his hair out of its bun in order to put on a beanie and strapped his feet into a pair of boots. Grabbing a jacket, pocketing his phone, wallet and keys he stopped in his small tantrum long enough to find Ymir and Levi looking through his apartment. One with a look of disappointment, the other with bored disgust.

“Get the fuck out of my apartment,” Eren growled and pointed at the door. “You didn't even remove your shoes, you savages.”

“I didn't want to risk catching a disease by walking on this floor in only socks,” Levi replied smoothly and whisked past Eren to wait out in the hallway.

“It's really weird,” Ymir declared on their way out of the building, “some people just seem interesting on the outside, but then you get into their home and it turns out they have no personality.”

They trudged all the way up to the hotel in the drizzling, cold rain which took them about half an hour. Eren hadn't been up at the hotel properly before, only seen the large buildings looming above the small village from afar. It consisted of one main building and two wings, all in heavy woodwork with windows in red accents and a tufted roof. It all looked very typical and even though a sign outside declared that it was built as early as the 900s, Eren was pretty sure that only applied to the outhouse. The sauna, spa, jacuzzi, solarium, golf course, ski resort and helicopter platform were certainly later additions.

There were two police cars parked up by the main entrance just as Ymir and Levi had said earlier and they simply walked around them. There were no actual cops in sight as they were probably inside eating hotel food and enjoying the huge fireplace. That's what Ymir declared rather loudly as they stomped past the unguarded cars.

“They piss me off so much,” she growled as they kept to the shadows of the parking lot. “Historia is probably kidnapped, scared and traumatised out there, and the cops are just having a grand old time about it.”

“You don't know if she's kidnapped,” Eren whispered, he felt that some stealth had to be done when they were there to sneak in, even if they didn't have to. “The paper this morning was going on about someone having died.”

A strong fist grabbed a hold of the collar of Eren's sweater and Ymir's face pressed uncomfortably close to his, her snowboard goggles digging into his forehead.

“Historia. is. not. dead.”

“I didn't say she was,” Eren growled and pulled himself free of her grasp, “I'm just saying she might not be kidnapped.”

“Then why isn't she answering my texts, huh?” Ymir waved her phone around to prove her point.

“Be quiet you brats,” Levi snarled. He had walked ahead and stood peering around the corner of the main house. “Where's Historia's room?”

“Alright you goons, follow me,” Ymir hissed and proceeded to walk into the darkness. Eren looked over at Levi who jerked his chin to indicate that they were to do as she said, and so they proceeded into the bushes and soppy, wet grass.

Beyond the main house they edged around the right wing until they were at the very back of the entire hotel. It was mostly dark there with only a few stormlights hanging from the walls a couple floors up, lending the entire scene an eerie look.

Just as Eren started thinking Ymir and Levi had set all this up as an elaborate ruse to play the greatest prank on him, Ymir stopped and pointed at a window on the second floor. There were lights on.

“That's her room,” Ymir revealed as she clapped her hands in excitement at seeing the sign of life. “We'll have to get in there somehow and find clues.”

Eren's shoulders slumped. It felt like all paths had aligned for him to become a small-time criminal in Shiganshina. Little did his father know that when he had sent Eren to this mountain village he had condemned his son to a future on the run from the police.

“Are there any ladders or?” Eren began and looked around himself without much inspiration. The grounds were large and he felt like there really should be ladders easily available.

“We don't have time for that kind of shit,” Ymir demanded, “come here, I'll just climb on your shoulders.”

“No you're not,” Eren objected. His insurance sure didn't cover backpain from having attempted breaking and entering at a hotel with a student and an ex-convict come janitor.

“Come on man, you're built like a fucking horse. I am pretty sure you can handle my weight,” Ymir insisted and grabbed his shoulders, pushing him forward and under the window. “Now stand still.”

Ymir was not a small fifteen year old girl. She was a very compactly built and tall fifteen year old girl and she was being none too gentle. Taking a few steps back she took a running leap up onto his back and Eren barely managed to catch her and right himself before they both fell to the ground. With some help from Levi, who grunted in poorly suppressed anger when Ymir's dirty boot nudged his jacket, she finally managed to balance on top of Eren's shoulders. Leaning against the wall for balance and support, Eren was jostled about as Ymir squirmed above him.

“It's no use,” she eventually hissed, “I'm still not high enough to see through the window.”

Eren was seeing shit all of what was happening, squeezed into the wall as he was, so when he heard the words, “I'll climb on top,” from Levi he couldn't help the moan of despair.

“Eren, hold your hands out behind you,” Levi demanded and despite himself, Eren did as ordered. Planting his feet wider apart he twinned his fingers together for a makeshift step and shivered only slightly when he felt the dirty, wet boot of Levi in his hands.

“What is my life anymore?” Eren whispered into the wooden wall his face was mushed into as Levi climbed up and jostled Ymir who dug her heels into Eren's side painfully. “I think I have a splinter in my cheek.”

“Stop moaning down there,” Ymir demanded, “this is all for Historia, remember. The most deserving person in the world.”

The jostling finally eased up and there was a moment of suspense as they waited for Levi's report.

“She is in there,” Levi finally revealed and Eren could feel Ymir shake above him in relief.

“Knock on the window!” Ymir suggested.

Eren couldn't see anything from his position but he heard the knock. Then silence.

It was shattered by a loud, guttural scream that sent ice down Eren's spine.


	5. Running up that hill (or rolling down)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi become privy to secret information and runs from the authorities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Obs:** Sorry this chapter is rather angsty! Hopefully it won't be too much of a downer...
> 
> There's been a few comments on the world in this AU and so I decided to find some images that could better portray how I envision tiny Shiganshina. I grew up not exactly in the town in these images, but not far from it as such things go (though Røros is quite special in a way): [Housing architecture](https://www.dehistoriske.com/globalassets/hoteller/roros-hotell/hot7_roros.jpg), [town square with the church](https://www.lifeinnorway.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/winter-in-roros-norway.jpg)

From his vantage point Eren heard rattling from a window, a thunk, some loud swearing from Levi and Historia's slightly hysterical voice, “I am _so_ sorry Levi, oh my god! What are you doing outside my window? Are you bleeding?!”

“I'm fine-,” Levi huffed, but was interrupted by Ymir who just couldn't stay quiet any longer.

“Hi Tori, we came to rescue you!” she crowed and Eren had to grab her thighs to keep her in place as she kept wiggling around in excitement.

“Ymir!” Historia called softly, the strain in her voice suddenly gone, “you're here too?”

“Yeah, and Eren!” Ymir revealed and patted Eren on the top of his head like a good dog. Eren growled.

“Eren?” Historia sounded incredulous. “Ymir... why did you bring _Levi_ and _Eren_ to see me?”

“Well, they were the only people I knew dumb enough to come along,” Ymir admitted, quickly followed by a soft thud and an expletive from Ymir. The soft laughter that rained down on them from Historia made it all feel just a tiny bit worth it.

“Come on in then,” Historia invited, “before officer Nile figures out you're here and busts you.”

The weight on Eren's shoulders lightened slightly indicating that Levi must have climbed in the window. Next Ymir kicked off from the downstairs windowsill and scrambled up and in, leaving Eren alone and swaying slightly with the sudden relief.

“Come on, prancing pony,” Levi called down to him. The janitor was leaning out the window and holding out a hand for Eren to grab. It was still over two meter up, but that wasn't much of a hindrance for Eren. Nimbly he braced his foot on the same windowsill as Ymir and effortlessly threw himself up in the air and grabbed Levi's hand. With thigh muscles that had been trained nearly his entire life, he climbed the wall smoothly. Eren stopped abruptly when he had one hand clutching at Historia's window, the other in a vice grip in Levi's and he found himself only inches away from Levi's face.

Eren was hanging out the second story window by the strength of his upper body alone, yet he couldn't look away from Levi who was staring right back at him. Their breath fogged between them in the chilly November air and Eren could feel the dampness of it on his face. Levi's mouth smelled like mint, they were that close.

“Uhm,” Eren commented intelligently and broke the spell. In the same instance, Levi let go of his hand nearly sending Eren to, if not his death, then at least his bruised backside. “Holy shit!” Eren exclaimed and managed to claw himself inside, falling to the floor breathless, wet and very frazzled.

“You guys could have just come in through the door, you know,” Historia commented reasonably from where she sat by her desk.

The room was absolutely everything Eren had expected Historia's room to look like, if he had ever taken a moment to consider such a thing. Which he hadn't, really. The parts of the walls not covered by posters were painted a pale blue, the bed was made up dutifully and there were no dirty clothes on the floor. The perfect room for the perfect girl and Eren had rarely, if ever, felt so misplaced.

Historia herself sat a bit hunched over, hair pulled back in a messy braid and hands twinned tightly in her lap.

“I was so worried,” Ymir admitted and leaned up against Historia's desk, “I thought you had gotten kidnapped or somethin'!”

“Kidnapped?” Historia echoed and a small smile graced her troubled face, “why would I have been kidnapped?”

“Well...” Ymir was looking a bit abashed, “you didn't answer any of my texts or pick up my calls or anything.”

“I couldn't... because of everything. Nile confiscated my phone and laptop for evidence, he said. I'm not sure what he's looking for...” Historia's voice was small, and as she talked she seemed to sink even further in on herself.

“Historia... what happened? What's going on?” Ymir questioned in an uncharacteristically soft voice. She was fiddling with the strings of her snowboard pants, looking like she'd much rather touch or hug Historia than talk.

“I'm not allowed to say,” Historia sighed and looked over at the door, presumably thinking about Nile and the other police officers. “But I really want to talk about it,” she finished in a whisper.

With a rustle, Ymir squatted down and pulled her goggles off her head, “then talk about it,” she insisted, “we're here to listen. I can send dumb and dumber out again if you want.”

A small laugh escaped Historia again, though it hitched in her chest and she shook her head, “that's fine, I don't mind them.”

“You're dumber,” Eren told Levi in a stage-whisper and received an elbow in his ribs as a reply, but decided it was worth it when Historia laughed again.

“I haven't really gotten to talk to anyone since Sunday,” Historia revealed and waved her hand at the door again, “Nile doesn't want me to accidentally reveal any details of the case... but you know what? Fuck him.” Historia's pale brows were furrowed into a sever frown and her small chin jutted out in defiance. “I should be allowed to talk about this, so I am!”

Ymir nodded vigorously in agreement while Levi somehow melded seamlessly in with the shadows by the window. Eren wished he could do the same.

Kneading her bright pink sweatpants in her fists, Historia began talking, “so... dad visited the hotel this weekend to straighten out some papers or something, I don't really know because he didn't tell me. Anyway, whenever he's home he usually just stay in his suite so I didn't think anything about it when I didn't see him all Saturday. It wasn't until Sunday morning that one of the cleaners found... found- they found him uh- _dead_.” Historia stopped to take a shuddering breath, and the little colour that had been in her cheeks drained away. “Nile thinks he was killed. He won't tell me what happened to dad, only that this is now a crime scene... and he won't listen when I tell him that I don't know anything!”

“They can't hold you here against your will,” Levi said softly from the shadows, “you might be fifteen but they still need your guardian to sign since you're under eighteen.”

“Um, technically I don't really have a guardian right now,” Historia murmured, “dad had full custody since mother went away, but my step-mother is trying to apply for guardianship now. But there's a lot for her to think about and do so I can't expect that to be her priority...”

Eren really, really wanted to punch something. So much so that he didn't notice his own clenched fist before Levi's hand brushed against it with a shake of his head in a silent “_calm down_”. Chewing down his anger and frustration at the broken system, Eren let his hot breath out slowly to ease his temper. This really wasn't the time for it.

“I'm sorry for your loss,” Eren murmured quietly instead, and the blue gaze of surprise and wonder Historia shot him nearly broke his heart.

“You're the first person to say that to me,” she whispered. Her eyes and the tip of her nose were turning red as she struggled with her composure and she quickly turned her face away, but not before a tear had the time to run down her cheek. “I'm just being silly,” she choked, “I-I didn't even really know him all that much. He's always lived with his other family down in Sina, and anyway... whenever he came to the hotel to see me we just ended up arguing anyway. I feel really bad for his real kids, but-” Historia stopped pretending like the tears weren't streaming down her face and she looked so hopeless and so dejected Eren wanted to cry right along with her.

Levi shifted slightly next to Eren and spoke quietly to Historia, his voice low and measured, “my uncle used to say that... when someone dies a good death they merge with you and become a part of you, but if there was discord they will haunt you instead. It was just some of his weird bullshit, but I think it is true in a way. Of course you feel pain- perhaps more so than anyone else right now.”

Historia's face crumbled slowly as she listened and any effort at holding herself together was gone as her small body began to shake with heaving sobs.

There was abject despair written all over Ymir as she turned around and stared at Eren like he was the one who needed to give her permission to do something. He gave her a quick nod and she instantly opened her arms and envelope Historia who clutched at her like a lifeline.

The room fell quiet except for Historia's sniffs and breathy sobs and Eren considered Levi's words. The man was standing quietly next to him didn't _look_ all that affected by what was happening, but Levi had sounded like he spoke from experience.

“My little Tori, my poor little Tori,” Ymir murmured as Historia buried her face in her neck. “I won't leave you alone like this, okay? We'll have a sleepover, d'you want that? And if Nile complains I'll punch him in the face.”

Historia nodded and mumbled her agreement, “can we watch gibli movies and eat popcorn?” she asked, the worst of her despair drained out of her for the moment.

“We'll watch all the gibli movies,” Ymir agreed, “even _Tales from Earthsea_.”

“Really? But you hate that movie,” Historia gasped with some animation and life back in her still starkly gaunt face.

“Yeah, but you love it because you're a weird little fairy,” Ymir declared, settling the matter.

It was obviously time for dumb and dumber to leave the girls alone and Eren was hoping that maybe he'd get to use the stairs this time when Levi opened the window again.

“Come on,” was all Levi said before he jumped out the window and fell into darkness.

“You seriously _are_ dumber,” Eren grumbled, but proved that wrong when he decided to follow the maniacal janitor and climbed onto the sill.

“Text me how it goes, alright Ymir?” Eren said and the girl in question gave him a distracted thumbs up, all her attention on Historia.

Unlike Levi, Eren wasn't about to just jump into the darkness and instead clutched onto the sill to carefully drop down. He might not be depended on his body's full function any more, but that didn't mean he was willing to risk an ankle. Hanging there, Eren was about to let go and drop into the unknown when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his legs and held him. Letting go of the sill in surprise, Eren braced himself on top of Levi's head as the smaller man held him like he weighed nothing at all.

Eren's last weigh in had revealed him at 89 kilo.

The shock of being carried like a toddler had Eren sit completely still on Levi's shoulder, his heart thumping heavily in his chest. Levi's face was precariously close to his crotch, and one hand had a decided grip on Eren's ass. The cold rain was still drizzling down on them, but Eren felt like he was burning up and sent a quiet thank you to anyone who would listen that it was dark. At least Levi wouldn't be able to see the crimson blush on his face.

So obviously Eren had to go ahead and put his big ol' foot in it.

“I'm still almost touching the ground,” he declared cheekily.

Grey eyes narrowed and suddenly gravitation was doing its thing and Eren lay sprawled on said hard and wet ground.

“Ouch, you fucker.”

When Eren had managed to scramble up and valiantly tried to get some of the sludge off his sweater, Levi had already walked some distance away. Not particularly wanting to walk around near the mountain forest in the dark, Eren hurried to catch up. Sometimes the devil you knew was much better than the devil you didn't. And though Eren wasn't especially superstitious, the pressing darkness looming between the trees affected something very basic and primal in him.

“Do you think she'll be alright?” Eren wondered once he fell into step next to Levi.

“Don't know,” Levi replied clipped. After a moment he added, “probably. She's pretty resilient.”

Eren hadn't wanted to be a teacher, didn't know what the job really entailed and he had only been meant to function as a P.E. teacher until they found someone a bit more qualified. But somehow he had ended up with the responsibility of 9a and all of the quirky teenagers therein. And even stranger: he found that he cared.

“Snus?” Levi asked and held out the small, circular box. Eren hadn't really believe Levi to have such a vice, but he wasn't going to decline and eagerly grabbed for the proffered gift. “When Historia moved here some five years ago she got bullied pretty bad,” Levi continued out of nowhere, “the Reiss has never been a popular family and she got the brunt of the community's dislike.”

“Why?” Eren queried as he aligned the small pouch of tobacco under his upper lip. It was minty and Eren hummed in pleasure. He really shouldn't be doing this since he had managed to stop smoking, but damn, after what he had witnessed that evening he felt like he deserved it.

“Because they came here and started building all this,” Levi replied and gesticulated at the gigantic hotel that sprawled across the side of the mountain. “Bought out old Mr. Jenkin's farm. His family had owned this land for nearly seven generations. It hit him hard, but he couldn't afford to say no and with no family to inherit he didn't really have the fortitude in his old age to keep up with the farmwork, anyway.”

This had to have been the most words Eren had ever heard Levi string together, and so he remained perfectly quiet listening with rapt attention. When the janitor's attention was focused on something besides hounding Eren, he was sort of, kinda, maybe just a little, interesting.

“You said Historia got bullied?” Eren carefully prompted after Levi had fallen into silence. It was difficult to see him in the darkness, the only lights they had were the myriad of stars above that were periodically shadowed by the clouds trekking across the sky. The smaller shape walked briskly along, the upturned collar hiding most of Levi's face.

“Yeah, when she moved here she was an easy target for kids and adults alike,” Levi muttered, “I had just moved here as well so I remember I was confused by the open hostility towards a ten year old girl. She was really lonely then, really, really lonely... no one wanted to talk to her and she lived up here all alone while her father lived down in Sina.”

Even if it would do absolutely nothing, Eren still turned around and stared back at Historia's bedroom window shining alone among the many dark ones. At least she had Ymir with her, now.

“But one day she had apparently had enough,” Levi continued and Eren whirled around to place his full attention back on him. “She climbed up the top of the monkeybars on the playground and bellowed to everyone that if they had a problem with her she'd take them on in a fistfight, right then and there.”

Levi laughed a low, short laugh that made his teeth visible in the darkness and Eren let out a soft guffaw of disbelief at the story.

“They all became her friends after that?” Eren wanted to know, picturing in his mind's eye an even smaller Historia screaming at everyone with clenched fists.

“Pretty much,” Levi agreed as they rounded the corner and began heading for the parking lot. Levi clicked his tongue in disgust and pointed at the police car parked by the entrance. “There is absolutely no reason for Nile and his goons to still be up here, crime scene or no.”

Having declared that, Levi suddenly changed direction and veered towards the vehicle in question.

“Hey, what are you gonna do?” Eren asked in a half-whisper, though he hurried to scurry after the janitor regardless. 

Scooping up a pile of wet mud with a gloved hand from the flowerbeds that lined the wall, Levi flung it full force at the car. It splattered across the side door and window with a satisfying thud and stuck there. Levi was already about to throw his second load when Eren had the wherewithal to try and stop him.

“Cut that out, you're gonna get in so much trouble,” Eren hissed, teetering between the edge of daring to grab a hold of Levi's arm or just legging it. The slight hesitation was enough time for Levi to send of a third, muddy gift.

“What? You a pussy?” Levi asked teasingly as he scooped up more mud, “not gonna lie: that doesn't surprise me one bit.”

“Wha- I am not- I am NOT some kind of pussy!” Eren shouted, having forgotten everything about their intent at subterfuge. Fuelled by indignation and hurt pride, Eren grabbed his own scoop of dirt, though he was not wearing gloves and felt the earth get stuck under his nails.

“Back off shorty, I'm gonna show you how it's done,” Eren declared and threw the pile of dirt with every ounce of baseball skill he still had left from one misspent summer of his youth- a summer when he had decided he wanted to be a baseball player instead of a ballet dancer.

The mud hit. And it hit good. It hit so well the car alarm sounded with a shockingly loud blare in the quiet night.

“Fuck!” Eren shouted just as Levi grabbed a hold of his sweater and began shoving to prompt Eren to run.

Nile must have been on his way out because the great entrance door instantly opened to reveal a very disgruntled police officer. The lights turned themselves on automatically and flooded the entire courtyard, completely erasing any chance Eren and Levi had to hide in the darkness. They stood there like deer caught in the literal headlights and Nile's beady eyes zoned in on them with frightening intensity.

“Levi, what the fuck do you think you're doing to my car?” Nile bellowed and began descending the stairs.

“Run,” Levi urged and gave Eren another push. The quiet command was enough for Eren to drag himself out of his surprised stupor and start legging it, Levi hot on his trail.

As they tore across gravel Eren could hear a car door shutting and an engine starting. Jesus Christ, Nile was going to pursue them in the police car. Changing direction slightly, Eren disregarded the open path of the road for the dubious safety of the trees. The absolute darkness swallowed them up as they headed in and Eren held out his hands in front of him while praying to whatever deity might be listening that the under bush was regularly cleared. Nimble movement was something Eren was very familiar with and he found himself dancing between the trees, reacting instantly to any obstruction that he was able to sense through feel alone.

Sirens were blaring behind them and the sharp lights of the police car illuminated their path in intervals as the vehicle made its slow way down the winding road. Long shadows danced in front of them as they ran, giving them short, black and white frames to see by. Whenever they got plunged back into darkness Eren feared he would lose his companion, but each time the floodlights came back Levi was there. A small, dark and incredibly agile shadow next to him.

The absurdity of the situation wasn't lost on Eren, but the laugh peeling forth was one of pure excitement and joy. The adrenaline pumping through him was familiar and pushing his body and finding its limits again felt like meeting old friends.

In another flash the forest was illuminated and Eren looked over at Levi to find the other man regarding him in that same fleeting moment. Humour flashed for an instant in the steely, grey eyes before Levi placed his attention back on not running straight into a tree.

“Race you,” was all Eren heard from Levi before the man shot into the darkness like a bolt. Holy shit, that hadn't even been his max speed?

Not wanting to be left in the dust, Eren hauled ass and found himself out of the forest in a disorienting short amount of time. They must really have taken the short route, then. Ahead of him was nothing but a grassy slope leading down to the centre, though treacherously slippery after the drizzling rain. A denser darkness in the night signifying Levi's progress was all Eren had to identify his path with and he pelted after it as quickly as he dared.

But running down a hill in the dark had inevitable consequences. One foot skidded on the wet and sludgy grass and Eren tumbled forward. Instincts after years of training took over and Eren let his muscles go slack before tucking his elbows to his sides. He landed with a grunt and rolled quite a distance before righting himself, the momentum still allowing him to skid down on his ass until he reached the bottom. The sweatpants were soaked through and beyond any washing machine's ability to clean, but Eren couldn't give less of a fuck. The laughter was still rolling in his chest and he let it out in soft gasps.

“Are you alright?” Levi inquired, his voice carrying no infliction. Eren was still pretty dizzy and the world swirled around him as he lay there gasping, looking up at Levi's frown which was faintly visible thanks to the streetlights. “Did you hit your head?”

Eren could do nothing but shake said head because if he opened his mouth nothing but loud, unfiltered laughter would come out.

“Come on then, before Nile finds us,” Levi said and held out a hand for Eren to take.

Grateful for the help, Eren took it, but every muscle in his body had turned to jelly as he tried to rein in his mirth. Flopping helplessly back down Eren made Levi lose his balance as he tried to hold Eren's weight up and he skidded on the wet grass attempting to find his footing again. With a quiet oomph Levi fell on top of Eren and that really was the straw that broke the camels back. The drop that overflowed the glass. The shit that busted the toilet. As Levi floundered on top of Eren trying to get up again the restrained fit was released full force. The laughter started deep in Eren's stomach and rose up to the night sky, probably loud enough to wake up the entire neighbourhood. Eren didn't even care that he snorted loudly every time he had to breathe in and Levi's nonplussed expression really wasn't helping.

“Stop looking like you're gonna shit yourself,” Eren howled and held a hand across Levi's face to shield himself from the expression.

Levi instantly recoiled once he realised that Eren's hand was covered in wet mud and the string of expletives he managed to utter had Eren literally howling. It didn't even register that Levi's knee connected not too kindly with Eren's stomach when Levi struggled to sit up again, eventually straddling Eren to pin him down.

“Oh so it's funny is it?” Levi questioned, “so. fucking. funny.” And then Levi's gloved and even dirtier hands were all over Eren's face and hair as Eren helplessly cried with laughter. Somewhere in their scuffle Eren's endless cackles must have affected Levi because he began laughing too, low and quiet between the indignant splutters every time Eren managed to get another smudge of earth on his cheek.

They had completely forgotten their run from the cops as the fight escalated when Eren realised he could throw fistfuls of grass on Levi too. The retaliation was swift and merciless and Eren had grass shoved down his sweater and pants lining. It was cold and wet, but their laughter still trickled forth between protests and disgusted expletives.

That was, of course, until a siren blared shockingly close to them and they were flooded in red and blue lights. Like startled cats they were up from the grass and bolting towards the nearest cover in an instant. With little to choose from, they ended up diving in behind a set of dumpsters that stood at the back of the shops that lined the centre's main street. Squatting down, Levi peered around the corner of the dumpster to try and locate exactly where the police car was approaching from. Laughter still emerged from Eren in small hiccups and Levi slapped his wet and disgusting glove over Eren's mouth to still him with a stern, “shh.”

A door opened to their immediate left and Pyxis walked out before leaning on the railing of the unloading ramp. It was obvious that he knew they were there because he was looking right at them as he fished out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one.

“Thought I had gotten badgers in my garbage bin again,” Pyxis commented drily. If the tableau in front of him surprised him any, he sure wasn't letting on. “Quite a night for it, isn't it, Levi?”

The only reply Levi gave him was a finger to his lips as he smoothly moved further into the darkness behind the dumpster, pulling Eren behind him. And that in the nick of time. The police car cruised in to a stop in front of Pyxis and Nile rolled his window down.

“Say Dot, you haven't seen Levi and a tall, long haired fella here just now, have you?” Nile asked and returned Pyxis' nod of greeting.

“Levi and a long haired fella you say?” Pyxis mused and took a deep drag of his cigarette before letting it out slowly. “Can't say I have,” he eventually replied and shook his bald head, “but Nile, why are you looking for Levi and his fella?”

“They were up by the hotel sneaking about and being a real pain in the ass,” Nile revealed, gesticulating at his car that was still smudged in splattered mud. Pyxis looked the car over and let out a weezy laugh.

“In all honestly Nile, I think you should leave Levi and his fella alone. They were probably sneaking around for a reason, if you catch my meaning,” Pyxis hummed, and even from behind the dumpster Eren could see the humorous glint in the old man's eye. The insinuation startled Eren enough that he let out an indignant gasp and found himself glad for Levi's hand that was still clamped over his mouth.

“Now I can't just let people sneak around up there and get into all sorts,” Nile protested, “especially not-”

“Do you remember when I walked in on you and Marie in the storage room that one time?” Pyxis questioned in an ostensibly calm voice, but there was an edge to it that was hard to miss. “Some summer helps you two were!” The older man let out a guffaw and inhaled on his cigarette once more, letting the smoke out through his nose like an irked dragon. Nile had suddenly grown very quiet. “Of course, I promised I wouldn't tell your mother back then... or Erwin for that matter. Heh, the secrets we keep, eh?”

“Alright,” Nile agreed begrudgingly, “I get the message old man. Stay off the booze and cigarettes before you keel over and die.”

“Bah, we're all gonna die of something,” Pyxis declared, but waved at Nile as he pulled away and disappeared down the dark side street.

The sound of the engine became distant and all that remained was Pyxis smoking and Eren and Levi behind the dumpster. With the danger seemingly gone for the moment they dared to crawl out from their hiding place.

“Is running away from the cops the new thing for young lovers?” Pyxis questioned, the wrinkles in his face folding into contented humour. “Kid's these days!”

“Thanks, I owe you one,” Levi replied evenly, letting the snide remarks fly completely over his head. Eren side-eyed him warily before returning his attention to Pyxis and tried to affect the same disinterest that Levi seemingly mastered.

“Don't mention it,” Pyxis said, suddenly serious, “it's the least I can do after you jumped into the Shina river and rescued Laila last year. She might just be a dog, but god damn it, I think my heart will stop when hers does. Strange what those furry little fuckers can do to you.”

“You've been paying me back by giving me free groceries since, though,” Levi pointed out, his right eyebrow raising a fraction. Pyxis merely waved it away.

“Shiganshina looks after Shiganshina,” Pyxis declared, “no uppity cop from Sina will get any sway here. Never liked that kid, anyway, only hired him because I dated his mother for a while.”

The reply seemed to do it for Levi, who only nodded mutely with no further objections. The sentiment wasn't lost on Eren either, who knew Levi wasn't from anywhere near Shiganshina. The heavy silence between them had him shuffling uncomfortably, suddenly very much aware of the wet grass in his pants.

Pyxis' attention moved from Levi to Eren and a broad grin spread across his weathered face. “Oi there, Eren, your face is full of shit. I must say you let Levi treat you real bad.”

“It's dirt and not shit,” Eren felt he had to urgently correct, “and I don't _let_ Levi do anything. He does what he wants.” _Because he is completely unhinged_, Eren added quietly in his mind, but didn't say out loud because Pyxis wasn't far from the same category himself.

“Well you _look_ like shit, anyway,” Pyxis guffawed at his own joke. Eren vainly reached up to remove some of the grass stuck in his hair and huffed.

Where had his hat gone, anyway? Probably up on the hill somewhere.

“See you,” Levi said as a means of a goodbye and turned to briskly walk between the buildings to reach the main street. Again Eren found himself following the shorter man rather than being stuck with an option even worse.

There was not a human out walking that late, not even on the main street, and it was eerily quiet. If Nile was sneaking around he'd be easily heard long before he could see them.

They walked in what Eren chose to interpret as companionable silence, his stomach still aching after the impromptu giggling fit and the corners of his mouth continued to threaten to pull up.

Past the stores was a large parking lot with several benches where Eren had seen the kids often hang out together, and beyond that lay the museum and a few apartment buildings. They were all old (everything in Shiganshina was old) four storied buildings built in all wood and looked like huge fire accidents waiting to happen. The buildings were all painted in a bright colours and red shingled roofs. It took Eren by surprise when Levi suddenly stopped in front of the first one and began rummaging in his deep pockets after a key. The letter above the entrance door red 19A.

“You live here?” Eren inquired curiously. Truth be told he hadn't really been imagining Levi living anywhere. He had sort of thought Levi just existed in the school area like an NPC in a video game.

“Yeah,” Levi affirmed as he took the first step up towards the door.

“Uh, Levi,” Eren began, but found he wasn't really capable of finishing that sentence once the man owning that name turned to look at him. Plucking some more grass from his person Eren finally found the words he wanted to say, “that was sort of fun tonight, wasn't it?”

The smile that had threatened to have its way with Eren's face finally pulled free and his already aching smiling muscles protested. Levi regarded him for some time, blinking slowly as he did so. Eren wasn't entirely sure what between them had moved to where, but there had definitely been a shift.

“Yeah,” Levi eventually agreed, his voice low and gruff, “now go home and take a bath, you look like a troll.”

“Whatever,” Eren returned easily and gave a lazy wave before heading further down the street towards his own home.

Once inside he chucked his dirty clothes right into the bin since there was absolutely no saving them with the seat of his sweatpants having been ripped nearly all the way through. The shower felt absolutely wonderful and when Eren finally fell into bed, clean, warm and naked it took him less then a minute to fall fast asleep.

*

Eren woke to pain the next morning. He was sore all over and not the good kind, either. Further study revealed a nasty bruise on his backside, and his thighs and abdomen ached with muscles that hadn't been properly used in a long while. There was even still some grass left in his hair despite having taken a thorough shower.

Standing sleepily staring at himself in the mirror Eren brushed his teeth while trying to come to terms with the fact that he had literally been running from the cops with Levi of all people just the night before. Then he remembered Historia and the sad circumstances around her leave from school and sobered up significantly. He might not be an actual, proper teacher, but Eren would be damned if he couldn't offer some form of support when Historia returned to school.

Once he arrived at work later he had plans to hook up to the delicious wifi there and text Mikasa and Armin for some tips. They were much better with that kind of stuff. Perhaps Petra had some input as well, even though Eren wasn't at all supposed to know what had gone down at the hotel. If he told Petra the identity of the one who had been murdered (_murdered,_ holy shit!) that would be common knowledge before the lunch bell rang. And considering Nile had seen Levi and Eren at the hotel it wouldn't be exactly hard detective work to figure out who tattled.

When Eren had arrived at the lounge room he found the other teachers still loudly discussing the mystery up at the hotel. What had happened? Had someone died? Had they been murdered? Who? Why? And so forth. Eren sat on the green couch chugging coffee and going through his social media. When Hange slammed down an outline of a possible timeline of the hypothetical murder down on the coffee table and everyone mingled around it to give their opinion, Eren couldn't help but look over at Levi. The janitor sat in the chair directly opposite him and if the slight quirk of his eyebrow was anything to go by, Levi was just as amused as Eren by what was going on. Almost like he could feel Eren's eyes on him, Levi turned to look directly at him and it was an exercise of immense self control for Eren not to just burst out laughing all over again.

“_Our co-workers are idiots,_” Levi's look said.

“_Should we tell them?_” read Eren's raised eyebrows and jerk of his chin.

“_No way,_” said Levi's small shake of the head and, “_shut the fuck up,_” conveyed the slim finger to his lips and dark frown.

“_Lips sealed_,” Eren agreed by pressing his own lips together.

“Stop eye-fucking each other and come here and help,” Hange complained, tapping the paper with their finger. Eren got a real sense of déjà vu as he stared at the collected group of teachers leaning over the coffee table. But then he supposed this would be his life for the foreseeable future considering nothing else noteworthy seemed to happen in Shiganshina very often.

There was a tap at the door and Eren actually startled. Holy shit, was this a Groundhog day? Would he open that red door and find Annie's apathetic stare? Despite his own misgivings, Eren got up to receive whoever it was on the other side. Several different scenarios churned in his mind during his short walk over. Things like how he'd cheat on the lottery tickets and live like a millionaire. It might only be for one day, but you could do a lot in one day.

It was not a Groundhog day. Eren opened the door and didn't stare into Annie's blue gaze, but Nile's rather beady one. The look Nile gave him was one of careful consideration before the light of recognition shone through.

“You!” Nile declared and pointed at Eren, who quickly took a step back, pointing at himself in a silent “_what, me?_”

“Uh, Erwin,” Eren said out loud and quickly walked away from the police officer to stand by the principal. If nothing else then Erwin's sheer size offered a small amount of comfort. With that in mind Eren continued to edge over to Mike who had already gotten up from the couch with a dark frown on his face.

“Good morning, Nile, what can I help you with?” Erwin asked pleasantly from where he still remained seated.

The police officer took that as his invitation and stepped through the door, two more officers hot on his heels. That did make Erwin's brows furrow slightly. Feeling pretty sure what this visit was all about, Eren threw another look over at Levi who seemed perfectly undisturbed by what was happening. He sipped his coffee in peace and turned the page of the newspaper slowly.

“Morning all,” Nile greeted once he was done staring daggers at Eren, “I'm actually here on official business Erwin.”

“Hi Hannes,” Hange greeted and Petra waved and smiled sweetly at one of the officers who nodded in return. He seemed exceedingly nervous about something and sweat was beading on his high forehead.

“Hi Hange, hi Petra, hullo everybody,” the officer named Hannes mumbled. He even had sweat stains under his pits, Eren noticed with some apprehension. What was going on?

“You said something about official business, Nile?” Erwin prompted. His voice had a steely edge to it and nothing at all like the jovial character he usually came across as.

Nile nodded and indicated that said business involved Levi with a wave of his hand, though some of the aplomb seemed to have drained out of him now that he stood facing everyone in the faculty room.

“I'm sure all of you have gotten the news of the goings on up at the hotel,” Nile began and coughed slightly, “there has been a _murder_, you see, and I am here to arrest our leading suspect.”

The silence. Oh the silence was golden, silver and bronze. Thrown by the shock of this declaration, Eren tried to gauge the reaction of everybody else: Mike stood with his fists clenched like he was ready to fight Nile for it, Erwin's bushy brows had raised further up on his forehead though that was it as far as expressions went, Hange just stood gaping, their mouth opening and closing without a sound. Oluo had bit his tongue in shock and sat poking at the swollen muscle, while Eld leaned forward in his chair clutching the dull butter knife like it could work as some sort of weapon. But scariest of all was Petra who looked like she was ready to literally explode. Her face was beetroot red bordering on purple and her small, clenched fists shook by her side as she stared murder at Nile. The only one who seemed unconcerned by everything was Levi, who merely rolled his eyes slightly and let out a small scoff.

“_Of fucking course you would, Nile,_” that scoff sounded like.

“On what grounds?” Erwin questioned after the stunned silence had stretched out. The hostility dripping of everybody in the room had Eren sympathise profusely with officer Hannes' sweat stains.

“There are several factors involved,” Nile stated as he removed the handcuffs from his belt, “one, Levi's long criminal history makes him our prime suspect in any such case. Two, he was seen near the hotel last night and it is common knowledge that the criminally inclined return to the scene of their crimes-”

“The criminally inclined? What kind of horseshit is that?” Hange suddenly blurted, “those are not grounds for arrest! Those are barely grounds to take him in for questioning.”

“Uh, well, I guess I'll be moving on to reason number three then: when I asked the maid that found the body if she had seen someone matching Levi's description on the premises around the time of the murder, she said yes. Unless you have an airtight alibi you're packing for this one, Levi,” Nile declared and looked awfully smug about it.

“And when did the murder take place?” Levi asked, his voice utterly calm.

“The coroner stated his death to have happened somewhere between Friday morning and Saturday evening. Somewhere in that twenty four hour span, anyway,” Nile revealed and gesticulated for Levi to get up from his chair.

“Hah!” Hange bellowed and pointed at Nile like he had just shot himself in the foot, “Levi was at my house Friday night. Everybody here is a witness to that.” Hange swept the room with their arm at everyone who nodded their eager consent to that.

“Of course you would all agree to that,” Nile huffed, “now you're all welcome down to the police station to put down your statements, but for the time being Levi is detained on the grounds of having been observed by an eye witness.”

Though Nile seemed pretty high on his own authority, he handed the cuffs to Hannes and indicated for him to do the actual arrest. The blonde officer took the handcuffs grudgingly and edged over to Levi who glared at him.

“I got to read you your rights and stuff Levi, so if you'd just...” Hannes muttered and heaved a great sigh. Petra suddenly shot forward and gripped his sleeve, making the much larger officer actually startle with her intensity.

“Don't you dare Hannes, I'm telling mum on you!” she hissed at him and shook the arm for good measure.

“Petra don't,” Hannes groaned and tried to wrestle his arm free, “I'm just doing my job, alright?”

“You're a disgrace!” Petra declared, but let go of her vice grip in order to place both her hands on her hips. “This is Levi we're talking about, you guys are just being assholes to be assholes.”

“Petra, please step back or else I'll have to bring you in for obstructing police investigation,” Nile sniffed, though his eyes shifted away from her as he did.

“This has already become a huge media piece on the downlands,” the third officer who had been quiet up until then stated, “we have pressure from the head office in Trost to deal with this quick and efficient like.”

“Oh shut your big gob, Sannes, you bastard,” Eld growled with a vehemence that startled Eren. The man had always seemed so unassuming and quiet.

Despite everyone's effort Levi was eventually handcuffed, read his rights and led out of the teacher's lounge. Petra stood nearly quivering with rage in her oversized, yellow cardigan and Eren tried to comfort her by carefully placing a hand on her small shoulder. She looked up at him startled, but some of the immediate fury made way for worry and her frown turned into a wrinkled forehead as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“We'll save you Levi, don't you worry!” she called after him, but if he heard he didn't show.

Levi walked down the long hallway with his usual wide gait as if he had all the time in the world and the officers were nothing but a slight nuisance, seemingly completely unruffled despite the cuffs around his wrists.

“Remember not to talk until we have a lawyer!” Erwin reminded him, his fingers already speeding across the screen of his phone in search for one.

“Down with the pigs!” Eld yelled and threw the unfinished mug of coffee that remained after Levi. The mug missed the officers by a hair's breadth (thankfully, probably) and smashed across the floor, the dark liquid splashing everywhere.

“You're fucking cleaning that up before I get back or I'll flay you!” Levi growled and turned around for the first time to look back at them. Eld hurriedly pointed at Oluo who spluttered in indignation at becoming the scapegoat.

Curious students had poked their heads out of the classroom doors all the way down the long hallway. Eren could see his very own 9a having congregated like a squabble of curious peasants before a hanging. Catching Reiner's eye, Eren pointed seriously at the door behind them, conveying “_get the fuck inside and stop gawping,_” at which Reiner replied with a shrug: “_but this is too good to miss, teach._”

Feeling a strange mixture of shock and impotent anger, Eren stalked down the hallway behind Levi and the officers and began physically shoving the students back inside.

“Isn't Nile your uncle, Hitch?” Marlowe questioned in a mortified tone, like the mere connection was a tarnish to Hitch's reputation. His eyes seemed extra large and dramatic thanks to the black eyeliner.

“Ugh, don't say that, I am _mortified_,” Hitch replied with a moan as she threw herself down at her desk and hid her face behind her hands.

Surveying the room, Eren found both Ymir and Historia's desks empty, though the knife still stood proudly in the woodwork. It would probably be a legacy for the ages. Or at the very least an interesting conversation topic for the next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone be surprised if I said I listened to [First Aid Kit's](https://open.spotify.com/track/7KIXAzdiG2Pae7spgsklZo?si=_7t-yuztQIG7TYN-XdCkag) cover of Running up that Hill by Kate Bush while editing this chapter?


End file.
